serene: I love the whole world. (love)
Lately, I am withdrawing again from the company of most humans. I have trouble finding words for how it feels, but it's not entirely unpleasant from my point of view. I like being alone. I like being in my home. I like having lots of downtime.

The rough part is always managing the disappointment (at best) and pathologization* (at worst) of people with whom I end up canceling plans. I make very few plans, in general, but in my more gregarious times, my desire to see my friends and do interesting things sometimes writes checks the hermit within can't cash. And then I go back to making no plans at all, until my next burst of feeling like everything sounds like SO MUCH FUN.

I love my friends—the ones I'm close to, who are few, and most of the people I'm just friendly with. I just don't have the [energy | desire | ganas] to do anything about it most of the time. Doesn't lessen my love for them, but it certainly does reduce the amount of shared experience we can use to build and deepen our relationships, and it does, I'm sure, harm people's feelings of closeness to me. So it's something I hope to become better at managing, or finding ways to connect with people in spite of it. Or something.




*That is, people's expressed views about how it's unhealthy for me to draw inward like this, or how I'm probably depressed. If I am, it's either so mild that I don't recognize it as such, or its main "symptom" is a desire to be by myself, which doesn't keep me from going to work or functioning in the world, so I feel frustrated and minimized when people need to tell me that my "wintry" feeling is depression, even as I take care to concede that it may be, even if it doesn't seem that way to me.
serene: mailbox (Default)
James: You invited 60 people to a going-away party? *long pause* You know 60 people?

We often tease that we don't know what's scarier: that he's the one with the sense of direction, or that I'm the gregarious one.
serene: I love the whole world. (love)
On tap today: )

Things that probably won't -- or, rather, may or may not get done: )
serene: mailbox (Default)
James: Jesus Christ

Serene: Jesus motherfucking christ

Serene: #everydaysexism

James: I wonder what it would cost to get a roll of stickers made that looked like those 50% off stickers stores use but said "Sexist Bullshit"

James: Actually, how about a double roll "Sexist Bullshit" and "Racist Bullshit"

James: Then we could do science by seeing which got empty first.

James: just for fun, we could each have our own rolls and see if there's a difference in the relative frequency with which we use them

Serene: Totally!!

Serene: YOU ARE SO FUCKING AWESOME.
serene: mailbox (Default)
There will be mountains of work today. I missed Thursday because of a migraine, and work tends not to do itself while one isn't in the office. Plus, I'm covering for the receptionist today.

It's weird being here, knowing I'm leaving by September, but not knowing exactly when, or to which new job. If I don't find something by August, I'll give my notice, and look for work once I get down to San Diego, but having a good job is probably a better position to be in while jobhunting.

The move is another uncertainty. If I end up at UCSD, which is 45 minutes or so north of my mom's place, I'll want to live near there, but if I get something closer to mom, I'll want to rent her apartment. We don't want to evict her tenant until we're sure, and we can't really be sure until I see what job I'll get, or if I have to end up looking from there.

I usually handle uncertainty really well—I was a temp for 25 years—but this time it means uncertainty for my whole family, and I'm feeling kind of bad for being the source of that.
serene: mailbox (Default)
One TSA agent to another: "This is the one." To me: "She'll need to pat you down." Second agent to me: "Need to pat down the front of your right leg." Which she did, and sent me on my way.

Watch list

Jun. 20th, 2014 08:35 am
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I am off to San Diego again today. I prefer one-day trips, because I get to sleep in my own bed, but this time, tomorrow's interview is super-early in the morning, so there are no flights that will work for me. I'll spend the night at my mom's.

Since I started taking these day trips to San Diego, I believe I've gotten onto some kind of TSA list. Usually, my mom wants to send me home with lots of stuff, so I go to San Diego emptyhanded, then come back with a suitcase. I expect that flags me (along with the one-day trip) as some kind of drug mule or something. The last two times I did the day trip, I ended up with TSA flags (yellow or red strips of paper, if I remember right) on my luggage. This time, when I went to print out my boarding pass, it said in red letters "Airport check-in required." Fortunately, I was already planning to check a bag this time, because I gotta take my jammies and tomorrow's interview clothes.

But I mean, really.

The funny part this time is, of course, that the purpose of my trip is to attend the Sheriff Department's background investigation pre-screening interview.

This is me, looking dangerous. Rawr!
serene: mailbox (Default)
Six minutes until work starts at The Best Job Ever, which is back to being really good, possibly back to best again. Amazing how much moving out of a construction zone and into a quiet space free of concrete dust can calm one's soul. James says I seem blissful this week in comparison to the few months before.

*deep sigh*

There. That's better.
serene: mailbox (Default)
Medical fu, mildly graphic, but skippable )

Lady bits

Jun. 8th, 2014 10:05 pm
serene: mmmm, MIMP! (mimp)
Medical TMI and a little grieving. No penalty for not clicking. )

In better news, I have no headache at the moment, my house is clean, I had shrimp for dinner (mmmm, mimp!) and I'm in a basically good mood. Hope all is well with you.

San Diego

Jun. 8th, 2014 12:04 am
serene: mailbox (Default)
Flew to San Diego today. Tested for a 911 dispatch job. Did very well. Need to call on Monday and set up the interview. Next, went to surprise mom with a visit. Had a nice couple of hours with her, got some real Mexican food, flew home. Other than the headache that plagued me most of the day, I'd say it was a really good one.

Scarf

Jun. 3rd, 2014 07:16 am
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I finished this scarf last night and forgot to get James to take a photo of it on me, but this is a fairly good representation of what it looks like. It's a gift for my boss, whose last day at work is today.

[Edit: It is soooooo sofffffft.]

scarf
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What I just posted to Facebook (ooh, meta!):

I left Livejournal a while back after having been there since just before 9/11 (August of 2001, I think), then re-created my username for ease of commenting, but with this news, I think I'll start it back up again (at least as a mirror of my Dreamwidth journal) and see how it goes. I do often miss the community I found there, and the large handful of friends I have who hang out there rather than Facebook. Any thoughts about the revamp from LJ users?
serene: mailbox (Default)
My Christmas present was, I think you'll agree, AWESOME:



More text and photos, mostly photos )

Pretty damn good day. (Well, the coloring was a few days ago, but still. Christmas present is Christmas present.)
serene: mailbox (Default)
Started trying to catch up on my reading list and got overwhelmed, so I'm declaring amnesty for myself and starting anew from here. Hugs to all who need them, and my email inbox is always open if there's anything you need me to know.
serene: mailbox (Default)
Have been spending most of my online time elsewhere, but I miss this place. No, not Facebook. SparkPeople.

Health and food talk, probably not interesting to anyone who's not me, and possibly triggering to folks who prefer not to read diet talk. )

So yeah, I'm back. I'll still keep my food and body stuff mostly on SparkPeople, but I wanted to give a little update on where I've been.
serene: mailbox (Default)
Or something. My bosses are listening; they're circling the wagons and finding ways to relieve my overwork and stress, and they're forbidding me from working late or taking on tasks that shouldn't be my responsibility.

SO relieved. So grateful.
serene: mailbox (Default)
The Best Job Ever has become a pile of stress. But I'm dealing with it, because in general, I love this job, and the stress feels temporary. However, I'm putting this here to affirm that if it's still like this in two months, I'm gone.
serene: mailbox (Default)
I'm a quitter.

I say that not to insult myself, but as a matter of fact. I'm actually moderately proud that I know how to quit things, and I tend, generally, to quit things that are no longer fun for me. I'm pretty good at ending jobs, hobbies, friendships, and books that are more annoying than rewarding.

I've quit school a lot.

This time I didn't quit.

I've been almost done with school for around twenty-five years.

Now, well and truly, I'm actually done.

I didn't quit.

Go, me.
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My favorite of my [community profile] pod_together projects is up! Thanks so much to [personal profile] leish/[livejournal.com profile] quintenttsy for the beta-reading, podcast, art, music -- basically every single thing besides the writing itself. It was fun to do, and it's lovely to hear the finished product.

Something to Hold, on AO3, my first work of fanfic.

Profile

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serene

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