Nine days

Sep. 18th, 2014 06:46 am
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A week from Saturday, we'll hitch up the rental trailer, fill it with what's left of our belongings (not much, I'll tell you), and drive almost exactly 500 miles to our next home. I'm not exactly excited, but I'm looking forward to it. Not counting work-related stuff, I'm not very stressed at all, so that's good. I tend to like change, and I'll be moving nearer my mom and living in an apartment I like with a person I adore, so mostly, this is happy stuff.

James is a little stressed, but mainly because he spends all day home with no moving work to do. We (mostly he) started doing the work of moving months ago, and it's basically all done. Now we just wait. My last day of work is the 26th. We leave the next day.

Work will go on without me, but regardless of my expendability, I am trying to leave my stuff in as neat and take-over-able a condition as I can for the next guy, who is doing just fine in his training.

I don't have a job in San Diego yet. I'm a little stressed about that, but money will be fine for a few months, and by then I'll know if I can make enough from home to tide me over until I start a master's program in the fall. *If* I start a master's program in the fall.

So yeah. Lots of change, but a relatively small amount of stress. I'm fine with that.

Adventure!

Sep. 16th, 2014 10:32 pm
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First, there was the adventure of leaving my trainee/successor guy to his own devices today. He rocked it, so yay!

Next adventure: rescue [personal profile] stonebender from a speeding (okay, mostly stopped) train.

Adventure #3: dinner and Opinions! with [personal profile] wild_irises, [personal profile] wordweaverlynn, and [personal profile] pokershaman, followed by melon and Opinions! with the same folks, plus bonus [personal profile] starlady.

Adventuring is tiring!
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Reading:

1) Just began reading The Eyes on the Prize Civil Rights Reader. The intro is thoughtful, as you can imagine, and I look forward to reading the rest.

2) I often ask the kids to recommend books to me (partly because I like YA and partly as something to talk about with them). Right now, I'm in the middle of City of Bones, by Cassandra Clare. I have some vague notion that there was some dust-up about her in fannish communities, but I don't remember details. Anyway, the book is fine. The kind of recreational reading I enjoy, but so far, there's nothing exceptional about it.

3) And speaking of what I usually read, I'm reading Chronos, which appears to be a monster-movie-ish thing, aout a gigantic sea creature that's threatening to gobble up everyone. Not my usual thing, and that would have made me put it down sooner, but the writing is decent and I'm almost out of books that aren't packed away, so I'll stick with it for now.

4) Next up will be Hour of the Rat, by Lisa Brackmann.

Watching:

James and I cycle through (mostly) old TV series for our evening hangout time. We did Columbo, most of the Star Trek series (we couldn't bear Enterprise, so we quit), Farscape, Murder She Wrote, Miss Marple, the Suchet Poirot, Miss Fisher, and now we're re-re-watching Columbo, which is probably our favorite.

On my own, I have been binge-watching some series:

1) caught up on Orange Is the New Black, which I find to be troubling in terms of how it handles race, but also terribly good television.

2) Also watched all that Netlix has of Last Tango in Halifax, which is quiet and beautiful and soap-opera-ish. The acting is really good and the characters are complicated and engaging.

3) Then I switched to Happy Valley, which is an intense crime drama with one of the lead actors from Halifax (she also played Miss Foster in the adipose episode of Doctor Who).

4) And I've just started Awake, which I'll need to watch more of before deciding. It's got an odd premise, but it may be fun to see how they handle it.
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I am having a certain amount of fun training my replacement at The Best Job Ever, but it's also way stressful, and each day ends with me STUNNED that it's five o'clock already. I am pretty sure that we won't get to everything I want to train him on, but it looks like he'll get proficient at the most important stuff, and he's smart, so he'll figure out the rest. He's also good-natured, hardworking, etc. I'm not worried.

That said? There's a lot of stress, and one thing that's keeping me from imploding is to keep my purse nearby. Not just physically, though it's usually near me physically while I'm at work, but metaphorically, as well. That is, part of how I get through these immensely stressful days is to remind myself that if I wanted to, I could leave. I gave months of notice, and the new guy could take over tomorrow if necessary, so if it gets to be too much, I can leave.

Come to think of it, I kind of do my life that way. I don't stay when I'm not happy, but I also keep myself happy a lot of the time by reminding myself that staying is a choice. I'm not stuck, I'm choosing to follow through on something. I'm not trapped, I'm conscientious, and I like being conscientious, so I stay while I can, and I work on being happy about that, and if it becomes impossible for me to figure out how to stay? I bail.

Having just put my finger on how important that balance is for me this morning is really satisfying.
serene: I love the whole world. (love)
Lately, I am withdrawing again from the company of most humans. I have trouble finding words for how it feels, but it's not entirely unpleasant from my point of view. I like being alone. I like being in my home. I like having lots of downtime.

The rough part is always managing the disappointment (at best) and pathologization* (at worst) of people with whom I end up canceling plans. I make very few plans, in general, but in my more gregarious times, my desire to see my friends and do interesting things sometimes writes checks the hermit within can't cash. And then I go back to making no plans at all, until my next burst of feeling like everything sounds like SO MUCH FUN.

I love my friends—the ones I'm close to, who are few, and most of the people I'm just friendly with. I just don't have the [energy | desire | ganas] to do anything about it most of the time. Doesn't lessen my love for them, but it certainly does reduce the amount of shared experience we can use to build and deepen our relationships, and it does, I'm sure, harm people's feelings of closeness to me. So it's something I hope to become better at managing, or finding ways to connect with people in spite of it. Or something.




*That is, people's expressed views about how it's unhealthy for me to draw inward like this, or how I'm probably depressed. If I am, it's either so mild that I don't recognize it as such, or its main "symptom" is a desire to be by myself, which doesn't keep me from going to work or functioning in the world, so I feel frustrated and minimized when people need to tell me that my "wintry" feeling is depression, even as I take care to concede that it may be, even if it doesn't seem that way to me.
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James: You invited 60 people to a going-away party? *long pause* You know 60 people?

We often tease that we don't know what's scarier: that he's the one with the sense of direction, or that I'm the gregarious one.
serene: I love the whole world. (love)
On tap today: )

Things that probably won't -- or, rather, may or may not get done: )
serene: mailbox (Default)
James: Jesus Christ

Serene: Jesus motherfucking christ

Serene: #everydaysexism

James: I wonder what it would cost to get a roll of stickers made that looked like those 50% off stickers stores use but said "Sexist Bullshit"

James: Actually, how about a double roll "Sexist Bullshit" and "Racist Bullshit"

James: Then we could do science by seeing which got empty first.

James: just for fun, we could each have our own rolls and see if there's a difference in the relative frequency with which we use them

Serene: Totally!!

Serene: YOU ARE SO FUCKING AWESOME.
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There will be mountains of work today. I missed Thursday because of a migraine, and work tends not to do itself while one isn't in the office. Plus, I'm covering for the receptionist today.

It's weird being here, knowing I'm leaving by September, but not knowing exactly when, or to which new job. If I don't find something by August, I'll give my notice, and look for work once I get down to San Diego, but having a good job is probably a better position to be in while jobhunting.

The move is another uncertainty. If I end up at UCSD, which is 45 minutes or so north of my mom's place, I'll want to live near there, but if I get something closer to mom, I'll want to rent her apartment. We don't want to evict her tenant until we're sure, and we can't really be sure until I see what job I'll get, or if I have to end up looking from there.

I usually handle uncertainty really well—I was a temp for 25 years—but this time it means uncertainty for my whole family, and I'm feeling kind of bad for being the source of that.
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One TSA agent to another: "This is the one." To me: "She'll need to pat you down." Second agent to me: "Need to pat down the front of your right leg." Which she did, and sent me on my way.

Watch list

Jun. 20th, 2014 08:35 am
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I am off to San Diego again today. I prefer one-day trips, because I get to sleep in my own bed, but this time, tomorrow's interview is super-early in the morning, so there are no flights that will work for me. I'll spend the night at my mom's.

Since I started taking these day trips to San Diego, I believe I've gotten onto some kind of TSA list. Usually, my mom wants to send me home with lots of stuff, so I go to San Diego emptyhanded, then come back with a suitcase. I expect that flags me (along with the one-day trip) as some kind of drug mule or something. The last two times I did the day trip, I ended up with TSA flags (yellow or red strips of paper, if I remember right) on my luggage. This time, when I went to print out my boarding pass, it said in red letters "Airport check-in required." Fortunately, I was already planning to check a bag this time, because I gotta take my jammies and tomorrow's interview clothes.

But I mean, really.

The funny part this time is, of course, that the purpose of my trip is to attend the Sheriff Department's background investigation pre-screening interview.

This is me, looking dangerous. Rawr!
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Six minutes until work starts at The Best Job Ever, which is back to being really good, possibly back to best again. Amazing how much moving out of a construction zone and into a quiet space free of concrete dust can calm one's soul. James says I seem blissful this week in comparison to the few months before.

*deep sigh*

There. That's better.
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Medical fu, mildly graphic, but skippable )

Lady bits

Jun. 8th, 2014 10:05 pm
serene: mmmm, MIMP! (mimp)
Medical TMI and a little grieving. No penalty for not clicking. )

In better news, I have no headache at the moment, my house is clean, I had shrimp for dinner (mmmm, mimp!) and I'm in a basically good mood. Hope all is well with you.

San Diego

Jun. 8th, 2014 12:04 am
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Flew to San Diego today. Tested for a 911 dispatch job. Did very well. Need to call on Monday and set up the interview. Next, went to surprise mom with a visit. Had a nice couple of hours with her, got some real Mexican food, flew home. Other than the headache that plagued me most of the day, I'd say it was a really good one.

Scarf

Jun. 3rd, 2014 07:16 am
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I finished this scarf last night and forgot to get James to take a photo of it on me, but this is a fairly good representation of what it looks like. It's a gift for my boss, whose last day at work is today.

[Edit: It is soooooo sofffffft.]

scarf
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What I just posted to Facebook (ooh, meta!):

I left Livejournal a while back after having been there since just before 9/11 (August of 2001, I think), then re-created my username for ease of commenting, but with this news, I think I'll start it back up again (at least as a mirror of my Dreamwidth journal) and see how it goes. I do often miss the community I found there, and the large handful of friends I have who hang out there rather than Facebook. Any thoughts about the revamp from LJ users?
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My Christmas present was, I think you'll agree, AWESOME:



More text and photos, mostly photos )

Pretty damn good day. (Well, the coloring was a few days ago, but still. Christmas present is Christmas present.)
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Started trying to catch up on my reading list and got overwhelmed, so I'm declaring amnesty for myself and starting anew from here. Hugs to all who need them, and my email inbox is always open if there's anything you need me to know.
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Have been spending most of my online time elsewhere, but I miss this place. No, not Facebook. SparkPeople.

Health and food talk, probably not interesting to anyone who's not me, and possibly triggering to folks who prefer not to read diet talk. )

So yeah, I'm back. I'll still keep my food and body stuff mostly on SparkPeople, but I wanted to give a little update on where I've been.

Profile

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serene

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