Delta

Sep. 27th, 2014 07:50 am
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Change is the order of the week. Yesterday was my last day at The Best Job Ever. I just realized last night that I have a voicemail on my phone from UCSD about a job. And I am moving to San Diego.

TODAY.

Whew. Cover me; I'm goin' in.
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I am having a certain amount of fun training my replacement at The Best Job Ever, but it's also way stressful, and each day ends with me STUNNED that it's five o'clock already. I am pretty sure that we won't get to everything I want to train him on, but it looks like he'll get proficient at the most important stuff, and he's smart, so he'll figure out the rest. He's also good-natured, hardworking, etc. I'm not worried.

That said? There's a lot of stress, and one thing that's keeping me from imploding is to keep my purse nearby. Not just physically, though it's usually near me physically while I'm at work, but metaphorically, as well. That is, part of how I get through these immensely stressful days is to remind myself that if I wanted to, I could leave. I gave months of notice, and the new guy could take over tomorrow if necessary, so if it gets to be too much, I can leave.

Come to think of it, I kind of do my life that way. I don't stay when I'm not happy, but I also keep myself happy a lot of the time by reminding myself that staying is a choice. I'm not stuck, I'm choosing to follow through on something. I'm not trapped, I'm conscientious, and I like being conscientious, so I stay while I can, and I work on being happy about that, and if it becomes impossible for me to figure out how to stay? I bail.

Having just put my finger on how important that balance is for me this morning is really satisfying.
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There will be mountains of work today. I missed Thursday because of a migraine, and work tends not to do itself while one isn't in the office. Plus, I'm covering for the receptionist today.

It's weird being here, knowing I'm leaving by September, but not knowing exactly when, or to which new job. If I don't find something by August, I'll give my notice, and look for work once I get down to San Diego, but having a good job is probably a better position to be in while jobhunting.

The move is another uncertainty. If I end up at UCSD, which is 45 minutes or so north of my mom's place, I'll want to live near there, but if I get something closer to mom, I'll want to rent her apartment. We don't want to evict her tenant until we're sure, and we can't really be sure until I see what job I'll get, or if I have to end up looking from there.

I usually handle uncertainty really well—I was a temp for 25 years—but this time it means uncertainty for my whole family, and I'm feeling kind of bad for being the source of that.
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Six minutes until work starts at The Best Job Ever, which is back to being really good, possibly back to best again. Amazing how much moving out of a construction zone and into a quiet space free of concrete dust can calm one's soul. James says I seem blissful this week in comparison to the few months before.

*deep sigh*

There. That's better.
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The Best Job Ever has become a pile of stress. But I'm dealing with it, because in general, I love this job, and the stress feels temporary. However, I'm putting this here to affirm that if it's still like this in two months, I'm gone.
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From the grand-boss, copied to The Best Boss Ever:

You are nothing short of brilliant! And, I deeply appreciate both the
superb quality and amazing quickness of your effort.

I've sent the [big project I turned around in half a day] out to [bigwigs] for their review.

Again, many, many thanks for another job well done!


One thing I can't ever complain about at The Best Job Ever is not being appreciated. The Best Boss Ever says I should have "Nothing short of brilliant" engraved on my business cards.
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The Best Job Ever is being really good to/for me lately. When I went full-time in August, I maybe should've cut back on school hours, but I really really want to graduate this spring (13 weeks from TODAY!) and so I'm doing both, full-time, and um...

tired.

Anyway.

I love this job. I'm not perfect at it, but it's satisfying, and I'm good at it, and my bosses and cow-orkers are amazing, most of them, and in 13 weeks, I'm gonna be so much better at it that they will all fall down and worship me.

Did I mention I'm tired?
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One of the things that vexes me continually is my love of starting new projects, because I end up with more projects than I can reasonably finish, and then I end up feeling like a failure even though I'm doing productive, exciting, good things a lot of the time. I just can't keep up with all the things I want to do, and I haven't developed the impulse control to either stop starting new things, or to finish what I've started.

I want to improve in this area.

I'm open to suggestions.

Right now, I think what I need to do is do some thinking and planning about which things will get my attention for now. School, certainly. But the magazine has languished, and I probably need to let it go, at least for now. Ditto the food blog. I have seventeen weeks left of school. Maybe I can just resolve to do nothing but school and work for that seventeen weeks and then revisit it.

I get so excited about things. I want to do ALL the things! But I have such limited energy, so it's really unrealistic.

Dammit.

OOCQ

Oct. 16th, 2012 03:13 pm
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Out-of-context quote from The Best Boss Ever just now:

"Serene, I need you to come help me! Everything's turning into Inspiration!"
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What. A. Week!

I say that a lot these days, don't I? But oh, man, whatta week. I won a prize and met Lorna Dee Fucking Cervantes, wrote three papers, including a short story, navigated some potentially dramatic relationship stuff that didn't turn out to be (oh, yeah, I forgot I chose low-drama family members), finished week 3 of 10 at school, got offered a full-time position at work doing the same job I'm doing now part-time, at which I worked my ASS off this week, and it's only Thursday!

Saturday is Cal Day, and I've committed to making cookies for it. The kid was gonna come over tonight and make them with me, but she's not up for it, so

I

Have

An

Evening

Of

Downtime!!

(I'm gonna chip away at my homework, but I have until Monday before anything's due, James is making dinner, and oh, goodness, downtime!)

And you didn't think I wouldn't do some silly survey thingies, did you? Here's one from submarine_bells )

Here we go

Dec. 18th, 2011 08:48 pm
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Good, if unproductive weekend. Came home from work on Friday in a foul temper (I assume from relief at the end of both my own school quarter and our students' semester, which was especially hard for me this time around because I was finding people scribes for their finals. I think I just had a mini-meltdown from its being finally over), and it took me until yesterday morning to feel vaguely like myself again.

This week, I have to work Monday/Wednesday/Friday, but my boss is not here and my file clerk is, so I think I'll be able to get lots of work done. I hope so! It would be awesome to be able to greet my boss next month with the files in order; they've gotten so bad with all the work turmoil.

Got to go to Costco with [personal profile] wild_irises yesterday, which was fun, and have spent some time cooking and cleaning and exercising, but lots more time staring into space and playing computer games than usual. Which, of course, is okay. If my dad gets here on Saturday morning and my house is a wreck, hell, he lived with me for 14 years; it will not be news to him.

We are liking the Bowflex. It's easy to use and was fairly easy to put together. It takes up a HUGE amount of space, so it's good that we have a big living room and no sofa.

[profile] sogwife has to have surgery this week (I don't feel okay talking about the details; that's her story, but my story is...) and I'm worried for her, but also glad she's able to have it done. I wish I had the wherewithal to go up and hold her hand and stuff, but honestly, I'm standing

righthere

and the end of my rope is

                           rightoverthere

My dad and stepmom will only be here for one day, the 24th -- they leave the morning of the 25th -- and then when they're gone, I have one week off from EVERYTHING: school, work, and obligations. I will be broke, but that's okay. I will be in my house, with my family, recovering. I can hold out for one week until that happens. Pretty sure. Probably.

The kid's grades come out on January 3rd, according to her school's website. I'm actually kind of glad I don't have to deal with that conversation until after Christmas and her birthday. I'm not feeling anxious about it, but I still don't think it'll be easy. Unless somehow I'm completely wrong and she didn't actually drop out of school without telling me. Again. I mean, there are people who manage to get good grades without going to class, right?

Notes

Oct. 10th, 2011 08:16 pm
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1) Look what [personal profile] stonebender and [personal profile] loracs got me! Isn't she great?



2) Still loving school. Teachers who put assignments up a week late and don't shift the deadline? Not so much.

3) Work is getting better because (a) I have an assistant; and (b) I'm forcing myself to leave work on time every day, which I think is actually making me more motivated to be productive during my work hours.

4) There's a person at work (we don't work together, but I see her most days) who looks a LOT like my dear friend [personal profile] hobbitbabe, and seeing her makes me happy.

5) My chosen family member [personal profile] wild_irises is going to be one of two Wiscon Guests of Honor in May, and while I wish I could go, I can't. So the family's taking Deb out to dinner tomorrow to celebrate. I love it that people I love are doing such cool things.

6) Speaking of that, [livejournal.com profile] clever_doberman and my friend/co-worker Danny have a voice class recital tomorrow evening, and the family's going to continue on after the celebration dinner and go listen to our friends sing. Should be nice.

7) I've been on a total Korean-food kick. Check out what our dinners have been looking like lately (well, minus the writing; I added that for you. You can see a bigger photo by clicking on it, and you can look up the dishes if you're interested at my new favorite cooking site, http://www.maangchi.com -- only five of the dishes you see are filled with store-bought things (pickled garlic, gochujang [red pepper paste], Korean barbecue sauce [I can make it, but it was on super-cheap sale], pickled herring, and the seaweed); I made all the rest, mostly with the help of Maangchi's videos.

banchan
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Home from San Diego. Best and most peaceful visit ever, but that doesn't mean I'm not utterly thrilled to be home, especially after driving all day to get here. I drove probably 1200 miles this week. I'm so over it.

Mom is well. Dad is well. Out-laws and outlaw niblings are well. San Diego is a great place to be from. Ate all the shellfish. Shopped all the discount stores. Brought home all the things.

When I got home, the kid had cleaned the whole house (I mean really clean, including my terrible desk area), and bought food and birthday ice cream for me. I ordered dim sum for the family and we hung out companionably.

Today, I turn 45. Tomorrow, I go back to work. The next day, I start school (squee!). Things I want to do in this coming year include:

1) Kick butt at school
2) Increase my fitness and flexibility
3) Start a container garden
4) Get out of debt

I feel really optimistic about my ability to do these things, but I'm also feeling pretty philosophical about it all. I'll do what I can, and the rest will be as it is.
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On my kitchen table right now, because I haven't set up my school desk yet, are the following books:

Our Bodies, Ourselves (for Women's Studies: Women and their bodies)
A couple of ethics textbooks
A book and workbook for grammar
ASL book and DVD
Book on teaching oneself Dutch
Beginning Braille for adults

Cut for lengthy rambling about school )
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Finals week at The Best Job Ever, which used to be a slow time for me, but I've got a new responsibility at work that really kicks into gear this week, and two other projects that happened to converge this week, so I'm hopping.

Right now, I'm eating blackberries and yogurt and feeling happy about the cooler weather; when the skies get gray, I get chipper. Go figure.

My happiness may also be caffeination, to tell the truth.

How's your day going?
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1) I feel like I'm neglecting 3WFDW, but let me just say I love Dreamwidth.

2) I have chosen not to appeal my rejection from Cal, after doing some research and deciding I don't have a good, solid basis for an appeal. So I am happy to report I'll be going to Cal State East Bay in September. So much is great about this, including a major that looks more interesting to me than UC Berkeley's did. The only drawback really is the commute, and I can cope. Yay, I'm gonna be a co-ed!

3) My boss has been SUPER ROCKTASTIC about supporting me in my quest to return to school. Yay, good bosses!

4) Experimental data suggests it's not the cold, damp weather that makes my body hurt all over. Damn. I was kinda hoping the warm weather would have a beneficial side effect of making me not ouchy.

5) My mom wants to cancel her knee surgery in June because she intensely dislikes the surgeon. I plan to call Kaiser's Member Services for her tomorrow and see what her options are. She's in a lot of pain and needs the surgery, but I support her desire not to let someone cut into her if she has a bad feeling about him. (She's not generally squeamish, and has undergone much more serious surgeries without a peep of complaint.) Any advice about advocating for her would be welcome.

6) The kid and I just can't seem to connect lately. We're not yelling or fighting; We get hurt and quiet instead. It makes me sad, but I guess I'm glad that we know how to go through tough times without being mean to each other.

7) Last year, my two charities of choice were the Ms. Foundation and Doctors Without Borders. I usually choose new charities earlier in the year, but this year I'm lagging, mainly because I've been dead-ass broke. But my new hours went through and I'm a little less dead-ass broke, so I'm soliciting suggestions on where you think my money would do the most good in the world. Past choices have been NPR, the Pediatric AIDS Foundation, Barack Obama's campaign, things like that. (Also open to the idea of sticking with one or both of my current choices, if they feel like they're promoting the highest good.)

8) I like the number 8. In my weird brain, numbers are either "sharp" or "round". This appears to have something to do with their shape as written, but also with their odd/evenness, but it's unpredictable and I'm not sure why I even connect it with odd/even/shape at all. For that matter, I don't know why my brain categorizes them that way, since I don't do anything with that information beyond noticing it.

7 is sharp, obviously, on both counts, but 3 is round (even though it's odd) and 4 is sharp even though it's even, and 9 is sharp even though it's shaped like a round number, and now that I've written that, my brain is having a crisis of definition and wants to convince me 9 may be both sharp and round, but I've never had a number that was both before. 13 is sharp. So's 14. 16 is round. So's 99. I have only articulated this once or twice before, and have never met anyone else for whom numbers have these "shapes".
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Lots and lots of work to do today, which of course is the way I like it.

Saw a fun performance piece yesterday with [personal profile] stonebender and Danny yesterday. Have been getting too much sun, which is kinda nice, actually.

Feeling like an alien around all the killing-bin-Laden glee.

Photo on 2011-05-02 at 07.40 #2
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Life ate my life. That is, 3W4DW took a backseat while work and illness and family and stuff took over. Yesterday (Friday) was especially hard; I was up at 1am and didn't get to bed until nearly midnight, and it was a REALLY HARD DAY!

Strangely, not getting into Cal wasn't one of the hard things. I'm happy with how things are going, and if I'm at East Bay in the fall, that's a perfectly happy outcome for me.

I posted this to my Facebook just now:
Here is my schedule as it stands for the next few months. It's very exciting to me, but I read over it and it looks like it might not look all that thrilling to other people. It's not a ton of stuff to do in several months' time, but I've managed to winnow down the things I agree to do, so that only the stuff I really want to do makes it onto the list, and this is a real step for me.

May: Work on exciting new work project. Sara Felder show (http://www.sarafelder.com/). Meriah's kid's birthday party. Bay Area Food Bloggers' picnic. Third Thursday women's open mic. Give Stay Day presentation of disability awareness training I helped create.

June: Work for an extra month (I was supposed to be on furlough) catching up on stuff that I have trouble getting around to during the school year. Register for classes at CSU East Bay. Dyke March. Third Thursday women's open mic.

July: In San Diego all month to help mom after her knee replacement (both knees).

August: Back to work at The Best Job Ever. Third Thursday women's open mic.

September: Take the GRE! Start school! Three quarters of "No, thank you, I have to study!"

Might should also have a party where I kiss all my friends good-bye for ten months, huh?
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Off for a long day of paperwork and grad celebrations. I'll pop in with a note when I know about Cal. Have a good day, everyone!

Photo on 2011-04-29 at 07.22
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Nice day yesterday, making [personal profile] stonebender and [livejournal.com profile] tracytreefrog's Gram's potato bread. Have figured out that I'll be very sick for a couple hours following taking my new meds, so I'm trying to time taking them better. I failed at this yesterday, but it's gonna take some fine-tuning.

It'll be a long day at work with little time to stop and be online, so have a wonderful day, all, as I go about the business of shortening this pile of files on my desk!

Photo on 2011-04-27 at 07.39 #3

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