You don't have to attend every fight you're invited to

[serene]

My week has been stressful. They called Thursday and offered me the half-time job. They needed to know that day -- we haven't heard back on the lucrative job James has applied for, so I declined, citing the fact that I'm the only breadwinner and James hasn't heard back about the job he was waiting to hear from (I didn't mention to the HR person that it's a job at my same employer, because it's probably not her fault they're lagging on his job, and I'm not an asshole). She wanted to know when I'd know, and I said, "Well, I was supposed to know two weeks ago, so I mean, soon, I hope, but no guarantees."

She called me back an hour later and offered to give me a week to decide (because they actually don't want the other two people who interviewed, is my surmise), so yeah, rollercoaster day on Thursday.

And then a student's mom called and cussed me out for like half an hour. I don't take that stuff personally, but it does wear on me. My co-workers marvelled over and over about how calm I stayed, and I said (and I meant it), "She was frustrated. That's understandable. And I don't have to attend every fight I'm invited to," which became a theme for the week.

My mom got in a fracas with another member of her senior center, and I shared my week's theme with her. I think she felt a little chastised, but she also seemed to latch onto the theme as a potential sanity saver.

And then today at the donut shop, I accidentally passed up another person who was waiting to pay (because I followed the person who gave me our donuts to the register and didn't notice the other person who was standing away from the registers at the window. She berated me for many minutes about how rude I was, and how I should give a bitch some space, and how in America, we call this White Privilege, and and and... I just apologized, didn't engage beyond that, (felt frankly detached and mildly amused -- not sure what that says about me) and then once she'd left, the cashier apologized to me for the customer.

Me: "Nah, she's not wrong. I didn't see her, but I did cut in front of her."

I mean, I don't like being yelled at, or having people behave in ways that I perceive as rude towards me, but I'm not gonna fault someone for standing up for their space when I've violated it, so long as they're not hitting me or something. Not a fight I need to get into; not a hill I'm gonna die on.

So yeah, stressful week for many reasons, but not something that's gonna ruin my Saturday, which will now be completed by spending many many many hours writing and catching up on webcomics.

And how are YOU, dear ones?

Comments

[lilysea]

She berated me for many minutes about how rude I was, and how I should give a bitch some space, and how in America, we call this White Privilege, and and and...

As a wheelchair user I get people cutting ahead of me in queues accidentally and "accidentally" all the time.

Sometimes people just don't grok that a wheelchair user could be queuing,

other times it's patently obvious that they think their time is much more important than my time could ever be - I'll see them look at me and visibly decide to skip ahead past me -

If I think it's an accident, I'll politely say, "Actually, I was next" and when they apologise I'll say calmly in a friendly voice "It's okay, these things happen."

If I think it's on purpose, I will say in a cross tone of voice "ACTUALLY I WAS NEXT"

but I don't think I've ever gone off at someone who cut ahead of me to the degree of the woman you describe.

I hate confrontation and aggression and hostility - and it's also really bad for my chronic pain and my chronic fatigue - so I try to assert myself but without
escalating things into an argument.

On the other hand I've only been having to deal with ableism for 10 years, whereas she's been having to deal with racism for 30 or 40 years, so it would be understandable if her patience had worn very thin indeed.

[serene]

Yeah, exactly, and while in the moment I found the scale of her reaction almost laughable, it was only overblown in the context of that SINGLE interaction, not in the context of being a brown woman who gets ignored / erased all the time. So yeah, stressful for me, but not something I'm gonna harsh on her for.

[lcohen]

it says a lot about how much they want you that they're willing to wait for you! i hope that james hears soon, like, monday!

[cjsmith]

Kudos to you for being willing and able to decline some of these fight-invitations.

[chrishansenhome]

I want to take that saying as my saying for the month. I often pass up fights these days, but not always, and it's always good to be reminded.