First, it makes me feel good just to read "bi, poly, and vanilla." To steal from lcohen, I identify as "cinnamon" rather than "vanilla," but not as kinky. I haven't had the experience of feeling mocked by the kinky, but I have for sure had the experience of watching a group of kinky folks get more and more explicit in my living room until they'd driven everyone else out of the conversation.

I think some kinky people in my greater circle often assume what I would call "situational rank." They don't have privilege in the big world, but they have a lot of privilege in this particular smaller world, and sometimes some of them abuse it.