serene | Day 07, IGD

Day 07 – Your best friend, in great detail

I have several "best friends", because for me, "best friend" != "friend who is the one true bestest of them all", but rather "friend who means to me what I think people mean when they say 'best friend' about one person".

It's probably not surprising that a poly person has many best friends. Some of them are people I don't talk to much these days, like

piglet and

lcohen, but whom I would do anything for.

The three I have most contact with are my mom (whom I talked about in detail on Day 03), and my two partners, about whom I am happy to talk in great and glowing detail whenever I have the chance.

My partners are

stonebender (Guy) and

james_huber (James). The challenge here will be, I think, talking about them without talking about myself in connection with them.

Guy is a fierce advocate for all flavors of underdog: economically disadvantaged people, people with disabilities, lgbtqi people, and so on. He is very aware of the inequities in the world, and very good at articulating their complexities in an impassioned, intelligent way. He's a huge science-fiction fan, and reads almost nothing else, though he likes history and plays, as well.

Guy is the oldest of four children, and was born with a severe, progressive disability. His parents could have institutionalized him, and were encouraged to. That's just not the kind of people they are; they raised their four kids together, and Guy grew up more independent and confident than anyone would have believed back then. He graduated from UC Berkeley quite a while back with a theater degree, and he's a great person to see a play with, because he can let go and enjoy it, AND pick it apart intelligently afterwards.

Guy is funny and caring and remembers the little things. He is friendly and warm and eager to make people feel comfortable and at home. He is also anxious and depressed a fair bit of the time, and easily feels guilty. Also, he apologizes a lot, but it's as much a verbal tic as anything else.

He's a near-carnivore, a fan of live theater, the Procurer for the James Tiptree, Jr. Literary Award, the Board Secretary for the Center for Accessible Technology, and a proofreader for Bookshare. He thinks he's a lazy bum who never does anything, but he's wrong.

James is probably the smartest person I know personally, and I know a lot of smart people. He's also probably the most introverted, though he's not unfriendly. He's funny and kind, and when my kid needed a place to live, he instantly gave up his privacy, quiet, and space to give her a hand.

James is an endearing mix of curmudgeon and humanitarian. He doesn't have that much use for spending time with people on a daily basis, but he thinks everyone should look out for each other, and he puts his money where his mouth is: he doesn't make much money being a telecommuting programmer for a small e-commerce company, but every single time someone asks him for a handout, whether it's a family member or a person living on the street, if he has the money, he gives it away.

James is what I would call an atheist; he's not that hung up on what people call him. His website, which is moderately famous and in the middle of an upgrade, says "Philosophically I'm an atheist and a humanist with slight pantheistic tendencies."

James is also the oldest of four kids. He works for his brother, and I get to hear his very entertaining side of hours-long conversations they have on the phone every day. He's also really, really funny, and keeps me laughing all the time. If you poke around his website for a while, you'll see what I mean, but he is also really quick with a joke or pun, though he often says it so softly that only I hear it. He's an excellent roommate, a mellow guy (sometimes to the point of timidity), and tends to put others first to his own detriment, though he's getting better about that.