Serene of the Oakland Serenes

Back in 2011/12, firecat combined a couple of different end-of-the-year survey thingies so lots of the numbers are repeated, and I think that's kind of fun, so I did it then, and I'm doing it now, with the years changed. I intend for this to become a daily journal again in 2017, so this is where I'm starting.

1. Was 2016 a good year for you?
Some things were good, but in general, no. Not very.

( There's a TON more behind the cut )

Fuck FCKH8.

Ottawa shooting.

Chris Christie. Blech.

From my workplace's ltgb listserv:

Hey there -

A member of our organization, Marriage Equality USA, has heard that Justice
Moreno, the sole California Supreme Court Justice who stood with us in
support of repealing Proposition 8 and wrote an eloquent dissent to the
majority opinion, is getting a lot of hate mail for his strong stand for
equality.

Can you please write and thank him for his courage and powerful dissent in
defense of our and others' civil rights? Please ask your friends to do so
too.

Justice Carlos Moreno
350 McAllister St
San Francisco, CA 94102

Before I get to the list, I'll tell you why I'm posting it. I'm posting it because my friends are not assholes. klwalton is not an asshole for wanting to call Tim her husband. She's not even an asshole for being pissed at me if I refuse to do so. (klwalton, I'm using you as an example because I'm entirely certain that you already know that I don't think you're an asshole, and you care about this stuff as much as I do.) My partner's partner isn't an asshole for thinking that my belief that it's unfair that she can call our lover "husband" legally when I couldn't call either of my two female life partners "wife" legally means I think she's the enemy, even if I don't.

But I was talking to someotherguy, and I said something like this, and I hope I say it as clearly as it felt to me at the time: "I'm not sure it's possible to say to someone 'It's not fair that you get this privilege and that other person doesn't' and not have it heard, at least some of the time, as 'You're an asshole.' I'm not sure you can say, for example, 'You're soaking in white privilege' and not be heard a good deal of the time as saying 'You're a racist'."

In fact, I'm not sure there's a way to talk, even within one's own group, about stuff that one thinks is stemming from another's act of taking their privilege for granted, and not have at least some of those people hear "You are an asshole."

Well, my friends aren't assholes. Most of them, anyway. No, wait. I cut loose the assholes. My original statement stands.

A non-exhaustive list, in no particular order:

"It's not about you" ≠ "You are an asshole"

"It's not about you" ≠ "You are a self-involved asshole who should shut the fuck up and keep your opinion to yourself."

"You are soaking in white privilege" ≠ "You're a racist asshole"

"There's no reason you should be allowed to marry when other people can't" ≠ "You're a heterosexist asshole."

"If people don't have to treat my relationships as real, I don't have to treat theirs as real, even if they're on my side (unless I'm an officer of the government)" ≠ "You are an asshole"

"I refuse to be married until everyone can marry anyone they want to*" ≠ "You are an asshole if you're married"


If I think that you're an asshole, I'll say so -- ask anyone. If what I think is that your privilege is not as important to me as a message that needs sending, then that's what I'll say. Love or no love, and I do love all my friends, to one degree or other. And it's really, truly, genuinely, honest-to-atheism okay with me if they disagree with me, but I'd like to find ways to discuss this that don't come off as me saying people are assholes, because I don't hang out with assholes.

Some of the threads I've seen so far on this topic have helped me to start formulating ways to do this, and for this I am ever-so-grateful to my circle of online friends and acquaintances and benevolent strangers. Thank you. (Admittedly, some other threads have just made me want to say over and over "It's. NOT. ABOUT. YOU, GODDAMMIT!!!")




(*Over the years, I have amended that statement. If it meant a benefit for my partner that was otherwise out of reach (say, if I needed to get medical coverage for a partner who was no longer able to work or something), I would consider it. I will not do so for my own benefit, and have said so since August 4th, 1990.)

someotherguy pointed me to a slideshow of the Intelligence briefing covers. He and I both assumed there were little Bible quotes off to the very bottom somewhere or something, but no, they're the star of the show. Check it out: http://men.style.com/gq/features/topsecret

NPR BREAKING NEWS:

Senate Dems Pull Funds For Guantanamo Closing

A senior Senate Democratic leadership aide has confirmed to NPR that funding for closing down the Guantanamo Bay, Cuba detention facility is being removed from the 2009 supplemental appropriations bill. Obama is now faced with three choices: veto the bill, use funds from other sources or reverse his decision to close the facility.

More at NPR.org:
http://n.npr.org/NPRI/jN26266683_97368.htm

Recently, I heard someone at work express the opinion that people who
don't do what zie does -- actively work for social justice with
progressive organizations -- shouldn't complain about the country,
shouldn't be taken seriously, and aren't making the world a better place.

I say bullshit.

You make the world better when you work for social justice in organized
venues, true. But you also make the world better when you:

vote.

treat people with respect.

get to know your neighbors.

write to your congresscritters.

transgress wrongheaded laws and traditions.

blog about peace and social justice.

( Read more... )

Now, I'm NOT saying you're a bad person if there's stuff on this list that
you don't do. And I'm NOT saying that you don't make the world better in
a thousand other ways. Just saying that people don't have to make the
world better in the way you do to count.

Do you have other things to add to the list? I'd love to hear your ideas
of ways that you and others make the world better.