Regarding item #2, I think it may be helpful to distinguish between (a) "I'm sorry, that was wrong of me; I'll try to do better" and (b) "I truly regret having hurt you."
The first is an appropriate response to being called on your shit, where you agree that you screwed up and you hope to get better about it. The second is appropriate whether you believe that what you said was wrong or not; if you've thought about whether or not you were wrong, you may conclude that you weren't, but still regret having spoken or having found it necessary to speak in a way that upset someone. (I do think it's important to distinguish between (b), which I find acceptable, and "I'm sorry you were upset by my perfectly reasonable comment, you oversensitive person you," which is rarely if ever anything but annoying and inappropriate.)
no subject
Date: 2013-04-01 03:43 pm (UTC)The first is an appropriate response to being called on your shit, where you agree that you screwed up and you hope to get better about it. The second is appropriate whether you believe that what you said was wrong or not; if you've thought about whether or not you were wrong, you may conclude that you weren't, but still regret having spoken or having found it necessary to speak in a way that upset someone. (I do think it's important to distinguish between (b), which I find acceptable, and "I'm sorry you were upset by my perfectly reasonable comment, you oversensitive person you," which is rarely if ever anything but annoying and inappropriate.)