Oh, Kaiser, ya crazy bastid

[serene]

Me: I'd like to change doctors, please.

Kaiser: Okay, but then you'll have to have an appointment with the new doctor.

Me: Okay.

Kaiser: Okay, what did you need to see the doctor about?

Me: Um, nothing. You just told me I need to see her.

Kaiser: But I have to put a complaint down here.

Me: Fine. Put [random choice from my short list of chronic conditions].

Cut to today, when I show up for this doctor-change visit and a different doc (neither my current one nor the new one) is listed on my check-in sheet.

Me: I am here to see Dr. A and you have me with Dr. B.

Kaiser: Oh, yes, Dr. A called in today, so we switched you to Dr. B.

Me: Okay, well, I want to cancel this appointment and make a new one with Dr. A.

Kaiser: Oh. Okay. Then you don't need to see anyone at all?

*sigh*