Status: holding

[serene]

Most days are... okay? Not great, but we're coping. Today is sadder than yesterday, which was less sad than the day before, but yesterday was more stressful. Like that. Things are in flux, and things are in holding patterns, etc. If you have lost a parent you were close to and/or financially entwined with, you have some idea what we're up to this week.

The boring paperwork has actually been helping me keep it together. I like budgets and documentation and paying bills and stuff like that, so I'm making sure things are straight, which is useful for the whole family, but also keeps my grief to a dull roar most of the time. And then I cry for a while. And then I put away the case of facial tissue that just arrived. Like that.

The death certificate is supposed to come today. That will start a cascade of more paperwork, and then there will be decisions to make that I don't yet feel prepared to make, but we will buck up when it's time.

And I miss my mom. I miss her so much.