ahhhhhh

[serene]

Found a piece of myself today that had gone missing for a little bit. Sorry for being cryptic, but it's a bit personal, and the person or persons who need to know what it was already do.

Anyway, this piece of myself has gone astray a few times before, and each time, it has baffled me. I have looked at myself and cocked my head and wondered why my head, the inside of my mind, didn't feel like me. Every time, I would just decide that the piece was sometimes part of me and sometimes not, suffer through its lack, and wait for it to come back, because it always does.

This time, though, I found an incantation (okay, I was watching Harry Potter -- play along with me) that brought it back with a solid thunk that made me feel like I was whole and happy and could die that way right there. I never did find out what makes it go away, but I found something to bring it back:

The wish you make, the thing you want? You already have it, and you know it, but having it is a gift -- no, a loan. You cannot lose it, because it doesn't belong to you and never did. You have no reason to believe it will be taken away, but if it is, there you will remain, whole and yourself, and now you can relax and bask in the thing that is freely given to you.

This is not likely to make sense to any of you, but it was so profound to me that I felt I needed to put it here.