Options

[serene]

Haven't posted in a while. Things have continued to be rollercoasterish. They put tubes in *everywhere*, practically. The chest tube didn't bring down her white-blood-cell count, so they put in an abdominal tube for the fluid around her spleen. Then suddenly, the next day, the doctor called mom and said he'd presented her case and her newest blood numbers to a consortium of cancer docs at the hospital, and they unanimously agreed that she doesn't need chemo or more surgery -- just take out the chest tube and send her home. Her wbc was apparently really high (180? I don't know) at one point, and now it's 11 or something.

Originally, when my mom thought she'd be going home around the end of the month, she said she wanted me to go home for a while and let my sister take care of her. I told the kids I would try to take them home with me for a bit to get them some respite from being home with their mother and mine. Now she's going home two days before Christmas, so some stuff might change.



Option 1: Leave here Monday after my aunt leaves for Pennsylvania. Drive home with the kids, then bring them back in a few days. Then make my way home by January 2nd to do the half days of temp work I'm supposed to do at Cal that week and the two subsequent weeks.

Option 2: Leave here on my own (driving or flying) and let the kids stay home for Christmas, then come collect them later and take them with me for a visit to Oakland for a few days. Return them (either by taking them home or sending them on buses) in time for their return to school on Jan. 7th; work at Cal half days as planned; maybe drive them home on a weekend and fly back.

Option 3: Stay here and help out my mom in her recovery, even though she's practically pushing me out the door (I think partly out of guilt for keeping me here so long, and partly to avoid the fierce sibling rivalry between me and my sister, with whom I've never gotten along). She thinks having my mom to herself will make my sister step up to the plate. I am doubtful. And I wonder who will cook and clean while I am gone. Not my sister or her kids, almost certainly. Probably my mom will watch it all go to hell for a few days and then risk her recovery when she can't stand it any more. Just a guess.

Option 4 (not really under serious consideration): Fly home Monday and let everyone fend for themselves, including the kids.

There are probably more options, but those are the major ones.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

What do your sister and her kids want?

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I don't care what my sister wants, but when asked, she doesn't really express a preference. The kids want to leave with me and never return.

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

Any chance of actually doing that?

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

Serene has put a lot of emotional effort and energy into trying to figure out how to make that work without too much cost to herself. So far, the conclusion has been, "no."

[clever-doberman.livejournal.com]

my vote is option 2, so you have a break from everyone for a while. then you'll have recharged your batteries and can go back, see how things are going, and then you can revamp the options from that vantage point.

[charlottezweb.livejournal.com]

You're kindof between a rock and hard place, as I'm sure you know. If you leave, are you going to feel guilty about leaving your mom to fend for herself (whether that's the reality or not)? I'd probably stay if I was worried about her recovery, although if it would be easier for her for the kids to be gone, or if you are at the snapping point, then clearly one of the other options, whichever one would be easiest for you.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

You'll make a wise decision; you're good at that.

The one thing I would say is that if your sister doesn't step up to the plate, there are alternatives. Neighbors? Friends? Someone who would pay for home help for a couple of weeks? Food can be mailed; I would certainly cook.

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

We could chip in to help pay for a cleaning service.

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Wow. No good options. Although 1 & 2 sound a bit more hopeful, maybe?

Damn. I'm glad your mom doesn't seem to need more chemo or surgery, though.

Re: Options

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

*bleh*. what a suboptimal set of choices, eh. ok. stress isn't good for recovery either, so since your sister isn't the one to pull herself together re. the rivalry it'll have to be you. is there anyone else outside of family whom you could call on to help with cooking and cleaning if your sister doesn't step up to the plate? i'd probably risk that option since a) it is at least partly going to help your mother in the immediate future by avoiding the sibling rivalry, and b) it is the hopeful thing and gives your sister a chance.

since you like the kids, having them with you is a) gonna remove them from your sister for xmas, therefore giving them a better time and b) her more of a chance to step up to the plate because she then has nothing else to do but care for your mother.

this doesn't leave you much of a respite, but i have you figured as the strongest person of the lot, and at home you have support from your guys. if things really go to hell in your absence, you can go back.

and not like you needed me to put in my 2 cents, *snrk*. you'll pick the best thing on your own. :) if i were in your family and really sick i don't know of anyone who i'd rather have taking care of things, seriously.

[bastette-joyce.livejournal.com]

You might think this is a politically incorrect question, but I'm going to ask it anyway: what do you want and/or need to do?

I'm not asking that to exclude all the other issues, but to add it to the mix. I didn't see your wants or needs anywhere in your breakdown of options, and that concerns me. It's important to consider what you mom needs, of course, and what the kids need. But don't lose yourself! If one of those choices, in addition to the good it can do for the people you care about, also gives you some rest and respite, or some energy, satisfaction, or helps to allay your worries - whatever is most important to you - I think that should be part of your consideration.