Updateishness

[serene]

Hi, all. I've been reading, but rarely commenting except to say "Yay!" or "Oh, no!" to your posts. This is one of those long, laundry-list updates that I like to let you opt into, so it's going behind cuts.



I think the big crises are over for now. I HOPE the big crises are over for now. Betty's death is immensely sad, and there's nothing to be done for that but waiting it out. Carol and Guy have colds. I thought I had one, too, but maybe not. The kid is still in pain, and we had a big fight the day she came home, so she's still barely talking to me, which honestly, I'm gonna count as a win right now, because I have only the tiniest bit of energy left for taking care of people. My mom is doing well, especially now that she's sent my nephew home to his parents. He was kind of squatting at mom's after a fight with his dad, and she had to remind him that he's allowed to visit, but not live there, unless he's working or going to school. What is it with these two kids, where you have to force them to get out and have lives? I fucking HATE my sister for raising them to feel like the best thing to do is to curl up in a ball and let people take care of you. At their age, I was so excited about the future. The two of them are sad and lonely and pessimistic and tired. It breaks my heart.





I start school in late September, just after my 45th birthday. I was really excited about it before the storm of crises happened; I'm sure I'll get excited again. Right now, I'm trying to plan ahead for keeping the household running when I'm gone so much. I'll be doing my regular schedule at work, compressed into three full days, and going to school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which because of the long commute, will be full days, as well. Weekends will be for seeing Guy and studying. Nights will be for studying. So James and I are figuring out ways to make things easier. For one, he'll take over a lot of the housework, what we bother doing of it. And I'll do a once-a-month cooking day to fill the freezer with easy meals (yes, he could just take over making dinners, but I like the idea of doing the freezer-meals thing to make everyone's weeknights easier, and it'll mean we don't have bologna sandwiches or hot dogs for dinner as often. He's a good cook, but doesn't enjoy it the way I do).





So if I'll be at work or school all day every weekday, and have five classes to study for (including two online classes), I don't think there's any way to do all the other stuff I dabble in every day, at least not for the next year or so. Right now, I'm not going to make any firm decisions, but I thought I'd list the things I currently spend my time and effort on, and maybe some thoughts about how important it is to me to continue it, etc.

Parenting the kid: I think this is coming to a close. She'll be twenty in January. She's becoming difficult to live with. She's enrolled in school starting in August, so I see two possibilities: She'll stay in school and start taking care of herself with a little help from me; or she'll drop out again and I'll kick her out. Either way, I've been pulling back from the helping, because it eats up my time and psychic energy. For instance, I'm making her deal with the insurance stuff for her recent hospital visit, but I've offered to help if she gets stuck. Stuff like that, that I would have just done by myself in the past.

Blogs:

This one: Yeah, this one's not going anywhere. I started my LJ in 2001, and transitioned to DW what, last year or something? And in good times and bad, this is where I come to talk to my friends.

The Mom Food Project: I have such great affection for this project, and it's almost a year old. I'd like to find a way to keep it going this year, but I'm worried that I won't. It's the only blog I do that kind of requires actual photos and writing and planning and stuff. Maybe I could make a bunch of posts in advance before my furlough is over?

TWIN: Virtually no effort is required for this one, and no one reads it yet, really, so I'll just keep it

Kick-ass Gimps: It's intended to be a group blog anyway, so I'll keep it up and if it takes off, cool; if not, no biggy.

Laundry: Right now, we take a laundry trip every week that takes us about three hours including walking there and back. Weekends are suboptimal because everyone else is doing it then. But we really like the thing as a date. I don't know what to do about this one. Buy an apartment washer/dryer combo (we have no hookups)? Let James be in charge of laundry? Pay to have someone else do the laundry?

Food shopping and cooking: I think the once-a-month thing will take care of this, and then James takes a daily walk and can pick up miscellaneous produce and eggs and stuff as we need them.

Social life: Hah. As if. Thinking of having a farewell party for it soon. I do plan on budgeting the time and money for a weekly soak at the local hot tub, probably on Sunday late mornings, along with a cheap Chinese lunch after, because I've been doing that on and off with wild_irises and others, and it's HUGELY beneficial to my wellbeing. So I guess if you want to see me and don't mind seeing me naked, that's the place to meet up with me. :-)

Walking (for fun and exercise): I'm thinking I'll do a lot of walking at school, because each class is on the opposite side of campus from the previous one, and there are lots of stairs. On the weekend, I really want to say "yes" to my boyfriends whenever they ask if I want to take a walk.




I'm tired and sad. I don't want to continue to be tired and sad, but I feel like it's situational, and will get better. I am really very (very!) glad I was on furlough when shit blew up in this family, because it meant I could help out without missing work, and the people who were working could continue to do that. Still, I'm sorry that once again, I got no rest on my furlough (previous years, I've gone down to San Diego to help my mom after one surgery or another).

I'm stressed about whether it's the right time to go off to school, but I'm not dumb enough to think there'll be a better time. My kid is grown (whether she realizes it or not); my job situation is stable and part-time enough to allow school; my financial aid is taken care of; and dammit, I want this. So that's stressy but not up for negotiation unless something really dire happens. Oh, man, I hope nothing really dire happens!

Comments

[ljgeoff]

It is good to hear that things are settling down. *hugs*

What is it with these two kids, where you have to force them to get out and have lives? -- I said almost the same thing a couple of weeks ago to Mike about Josh and Kyle. I've been thinking a lot about the intersection of anxiety and feeling defeated. The feeling of hopelessness, the expectation of failure, the unwillingness to put your heart into something because it only means heartbreak. I feel defeated by their defeat.

I am so glad that you will continue this blog! And yay for new beginnings. We will be sisters in this.

[serene]

We will! Only I ain't building no cabin, nosirreebob. :-)

[ailbhe]

I still love you. Too tired to offer you much at the moment, but still thinking of you.

[waywardcats]

Sounds like it is absolutely the right time to go to school, and I know if anyone can make it work, you can. I'll continue to keep my fingers crossed that the universe let's you and your family have some trouble free time, goodness knows you deserve it!

[cassidyrose]

So sorry things have been so rough for you.

I am very excited for you re: school.

I too don't get what is up with the kids not wanting to get out there and live it up. I couldn't wait. I had graduated from college by the time I was 21. I lived at home for three years during college due to finances, but that wasn't my first choice. I also worked 20-30 hours a week while attending college full time and paid for more than half all my school expenses and a good chunk of my personal expenses. I know that I am fairly intrinsically motivated to *do stuff* but it is hard for me to imagine *not* doing stuff.

Best of luck to you with this all.

[vito_excalibur]

You continue to be an inspiration for me in terms of thinking things through and working out what you have the energy for and where you want to budget it.

Wishing your kid good luck and grownup vibes.

[merielle]

I'm so glad you're getting some space to breathe! I hope you continue to have relative peace for a good while.

I'm sorry to hear that wtfpotatoes is struggling. Is she open to therapy? Is there a realistic way to pay for it?

[firecat]

What is it with these two kids, where you have to force them to get out and have lives? I fucking HATE my sister for raising them to feel like the best thing to do is to curl up in a ball and let people take care of you. At their age, I was so excited about the future. The two of them are sad and lonely and pessimistic and tired. It breaks my heart.

I know other young adults like this, some of whom had good parenting. I keep wondering if there were always young adults like this or if there's something about the way the world is today that is producing more of them.

[nitoda]

I do think the condition of the world and the amount of news media and reporting is substantially different than it was in our young days. That alone could account for the young people having less sense of infinite optimism and more sense of defeat. They have mostly had parents who were anxious about them and warned them - stranger danger, traffic, body weight control issues ... I really think my generation (I was born in 1952) were blessed. We grew up in the heady days of "never had it so good" after the world wars, before AIDS when the sexual revolution was at its height and the possibilities for life and love truly did seem infinite. My kids have had a much harder time of it and been much more exposed to news media telling them about every bad thing that happens in the world, of which there are so many! Not to mention the lack of freedom most kids have on the internet ... and the constant pressure of expectations, or, failing that, in the UK at any rate, the alternate culture of benefit dependence which in some families/some areas has a history of several generations now. Include easy access to alcohol and other mind-altering substances and it's really a potent recipe. It makes we wonder where we went so wrong.

[nitoda]

Happy to read of your future planning. I'm sure you will enjoy school and you will probably find that the school work takes less time than they tell you it will, if only because as an experienced adult you will be bringing so much more to it than the young people that the courses are planned around. Given perhaps an initial period of steep learning curve as you get back into doing academic work again ... it's fairly normal for adults to do really well in school because they have the motivation and general life skills to make success easier. I hope there will be no more family health crises to take the shine off, and hope you have a fabulous year coming up.

[trinker]

Cheering for you.

[aquaeri]

Lots of luck with your schooling, and you sound very sensible about re-organising the rest of your life around it.