serene | Basic bog-standard update post

Was just reading a nice update post from a friend I see a lot of online, and it was really good to hear the details of what she's been up to. That made me want to give an update, too. I will put it under cut tags, because I'm feeling chatty.

We've been in San Diego for 18 months, and that surprised me when I worked it out. Not sure why. When we moved here, I left a good-paying job that was becoming emotionally harrowing, and ended up unemployed for four months, and in credit-card debt for the first time in decades. Still glad I came, on balance. Some stuff is harder, but some stuff (chiefly day-job and mom stuff) is much easier.

I am really glad we came nearer to mom. We have cuted up the apartment I lived in when the kids were little, and James and I really like it. It's small enough for us to manage it, and big enough that we're not on top of each other.

Mom is better physically, and has lots going on in her life, which is an important tool in managing her depression. She falls less since we instituted the no-Ambien-before-getting-into-bed rule, but she doesn't always follow the rule, and that's her call. (Yes, the risk affects us, too, but we don't get the deciding vote. If she wants to risk falling so that she doesn't have to lie in bed waiting for the Ambien to work, she gets to make that risk assessment.)

James and I are doing really well. There's a lot of external stress on us, but we are solid and in love and so happy to have each other as backup. He cleans the house, fixes things, and fixes most of the meals. I go to work, keep the wolves from the door, and listen to "Hamilton." Each of us feels the other does more.

Munchkin the Younger is 24. She is an art major at the community college where I work. She was originally looking for a place of her own, but between money and cat-friendliness, she and my mom worked out that she would try staying in mom's guest room for a semester and see how it goes. It's the room James and I were in while we renovated this place, so it's newly painted, etc., and we put a little fridge in there for her so she can hermit if she wants. I like having her nearby. We watch Jessica Jones together. I drive her to/from school, or mom does, and she's a good kid.

I miss

stonebender. He and I have always been good at handling distance, but it's different this time because I can't afford the frequent visits I made the last time we were at this distance. He,

loracs, and

wild_irises are among my main motivations for wanting to go back to the Bay Area when this stage of my life is over. Plus the Berkeley Bowl. Don't judge.

Munchkin the Elder will be 26 in July. He just moved back from Indiana. His partner (the mother of their 2-and-a-half-year-old son) broke up with him, and he's looking for work in a desultory fashion and living with his dad in Tijuana. He's thrilled to be back to a reasonable climate and a bunch of cousins to play soccer with.

My sister (the kids' biomom) is still in prison. She's been trying to reestablish contact with my mom, which just makes my mom miserable, so yeah, bleah. But I'm glad to be here to give my mom support behind keeping her necessary boundaries in place. She feels like it makes her a bad person, but she also feels really strongly that she can't afford contact with this toxic person.

My dream job is to stay at home and write and edit. When I was doing freelance editing for a living, for two years, both James and I loved it. We like being together all day, and we loved having the flexibility to get up and go for a walk in the middle of the day if we wanted. But we had two incomes back then, and didn't need health insurance as badly as we do now, so the current plan is for me to continue to work until such time (if it comes) as I'm making enough to both support us and pay for our health insurance. James is an excellent homemaker, and we don't really want to change that part of things, especially with two elderly relatives to look after. I like working outside the home well enough, and it's really great to have him home to provide them practical help when they need it.

I wrote a novel during NaNoWriMo, and I'm writing my second book as a serial on Wattpad. I'd love feedback; no obligation. I'm also posting a poem a week there.

The day job is emotionally much better for me after the mass retirement, though I have lots more work to do than I did before. For the past week, I've been on vacation. Today, I went to LGBTQ safe-zone trainer training (that is, training people to facilitate safe-zone trainings) and it was nice to be in a room of 30 people who all want to make life easier and safer for queer and trans* youth. I'm now certified to run safe-zone training on campus. It's not my dream job, but I like it fine, and I really like and respect most of my co-workers and management.

My heart is mostly behaving. I fired my fatphobic doctor and got a new one, who referred me to a program to avert diabetes (I'm in the prediabetic range) and managed to do that without focusing on thinness or weight-loss dieting.