In which you skip this because other people's drama is exhausting

[serene]

I want to write this, but I don't want anyone to feel compelled to read it, so here, have some cut tags!

I declined the half-time job the second time they offered it to me, as well. We still haven't heard back about the job James put in for. He's pretty stressed about it, but the way I look at it, nothing changes if he doesn't get it, and we should at least know if he got an interview by tomorrow, so that stress should go away soon.

Three and a half years ago, Munchkin the Younger, a.k.a. wftpotatoes, a.k.a. my kid came to live at my mom's, with the understanding that she could stay for the 2 years necessary to get her AA degree, and then she had to move. It took her 2.5 years, but she moved when she finished school (okay, almost finished -- she's missing one math class), and we agreed to subsidize her rent for a year since she was going into the job market after a couple years in school. Mom and I each contributed $300 a month for the past year, and last month was the last installment. The kid waited until about 6 weeks ago to start looking for a job, and doesn't have one yet, and isn't really making any moves to do anything about that. I have been recommending that she go to the EDD for months and months, and when I mentioned it last weekend, she's all, "What's EDD? I've never heard of that," so I'm really needing to disengage from my fear that she will end up in a gutter. She's almost 30 years old, has many skills, and always lands on her feet. The temptation is to jump in and fix it, but I'm not going to do it. She was moaning that she will have to sell her car (which she's never driven -- we bought it for her, but it took her over a year to get licensed, and she's still not insured, so it sits in our driveway), and I just said "Oh, bummer, well, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do." She keeps hinting to my mom that she wants to come back, but my mom says no way. She's a terrible roommate (my kid, I mean, although my mom can be a trial, too), and mom is very depressed when she has to deal with the kid daily, and it means I spend hours a day mediating their disputes, so no. Just no. Anyway, stressful.

Munchkin the Elder is at the doctor today. His legs are hugely swollen, he has a spot of pneumonia, he sits all day (Uber driver), chainsmokes, and eats nothing but pizza/chips/soda, so if they come back and tell him he has heart failure, I will be so unsurprised. Today, mom and I were going to go out for a birthday brunch. Instead, we will wait and see if the doctor tells the kid he can's drive -- if that's the case, we're going to go get him and drive his car here for him. Good thing mom has 6 parking spots at her house!

[UPDATE: They're thinking heart trouble; they're recommending gastric bypass surgery. Because of course they are. GAH!!!!!]

Mom's feeling better physically, but she is of course stressed about the kids. We both feel like we failed these humans. There is no real remedy for that at this point.

I'm thinking of getting therapy just to have someone to talk to about all the stress. The good thing (honest, I see it as a good thing) is that most of the stress is basically external to me -- my days are generally easy and pleasant, and everyone who's not me may be melting down, but all my stress is in the way of a contact low, as it were. Other than being in a sandwich-generation holding pattern (when will the next phase of my life begin? no one knows), things are pretty good. I'm making more money than I ever have, I love my work, I get lots of downtime to read and hang out with James and mom, and my health is better than it's been in years. So yeah, if the universe could just leave my loved ones in peace, that'd be great.

Comments

[stonebender]

Thanks for writing this, I like reading what's going on with you good or bad. I've become a terrible correspondent these days. So no judgment here. I'm trying to write more but I've been doing that for a long time with little success. Well munchkin the younger is being who she has always been. I agree that she won't do much until she absolutely has to do it. I also agree that she will manage just fine. Sorry you're feeling so much stress, but it's good to know you are feeling healthy. Sorry to hear about the elder.

I'm feeling physically better than I have in years but the feeling stuck continues. We are probably going to see my sister tomorrow. We still have some cleaning to do in her trailer. We are getting her a new microwave. She does not really cook, so the microwave gets used. I also got her and Echo Dot. For a while she wasn't getting her spells, but she told me she got one recently. I figure if she falls down she can at least call out with the Dot. We don't have a lot in common, so it's hard to keep her company for long. Love you. No plans for your birthday?

[redbird]

Other people's lives are interesting when I care about the person and what happens to them--which is true here--and when they can write well, which you can.

[eeyorerin]

One of my goals in therapy is dealing with my family members and Connor's family members and it has been super helpful.

[lcohen]

updates on your life are always welcome, even if you are stressed and sharing that stress. i do think that if you rescue MtY then she learns that you will rescue her whereas if you leave her to land on her feet then she will learn that she can do this. and she can--both you and your mom did everything you could--sometimes it takes a while and some falls to learn to adult. and same really for MtE only different bottom to a different fall--but you can't make a person take care of themselves, either. gastric bypass--let's stress his already stressed system. great plan, love our medical systems!!

*sending love*

[ljgeoff]

I would read your laundry lists. Bummer about the stress. I'll echo the comment about counseling. I've had good results, too. Though today, at a meeting with Trentyn's counselor, I said something like, "I don't think parenting classes will make us more consistent in our schedules, house rules, or consequences. But I'll cheerfully attend if it will make you feel better."

*Hugs!*

[kaberett]

<3

[snippy]

Glad to be available for you. Everybody's right about the therapy, even if it's just a supportive person in meatspace to listen and maybe offer insight.