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Echo from the heart land
Jul. 10th, 2003 05:59 amTOTGA (The One That Got Away(tm), my first love) wrote to me last night, a newsy, witty, self-deprecating thing to let me know how he's doing. He has apparently checked in on my Usenet and LJ presence from time to time, so he has some idea what's going on with me.
I thought about writing back something newsy, witty, and self-deprecating in return, but I was tired and my defenses were down, so instead, I told him how things really are with me, and then I cried on![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
someotherguy for a little while (partly TOTGA-related, and partly because someotherguy is leaving today for four days) and went to sleep. Wow, that was a really long sentence.
I hope I did the right thing. I sometimes wonder if I could have my friend back if I never mentioned that I still love and miss him. Then again, I tried that for a while and still only hear from him once every year or so, so I guess it couldn't hurt.
He seems to be in a good place. He has an amazing family, a good job, and a place in the country. I am very happy about his successes, and I'm still inordinately charmed by his darkness -- it always surprised him that the scary stuff about him never scared me. I hope that knowing I still care about him is a comfort to him, and not a burden. I sometimes wish I were able to stop loving people. Not always, but sometimes.
I thought about writing back something newsy, witty, and self-deprecating in return, but I was tired and my defenses were down, so instead, I told him how things really are with me, and then I cried on
someotherguy for a little while (partly TOTGA-related, and partly because someotherguy is leaving today for four days) and went to sleep. Wow, that was a really long sentence.I hope I did the right thing. I sometimes wonder if I could have my friend back if I never mentioned that I still love and miss him. Then again, I tried that for a while and still only hear from him once every year or so, so I guess it couldn't hurt.
He seems to be in a good place. He has an amazing family, a good job, and a place in the country. I am very happy about his successes, and I'm still inordinately charmed by his darkness -- it always surprised him that the scary stuff about him never scared me. I hope that knowing I still care about him is a comfort to him, and not a burden. I sometimes wish I were able to stop loving people. Not always, but sometimes.