(no subject)

Life has been such a mix of good and difficult lately that it's impossible for me to imagine doing anything except putting one foot in front of the other and waiting out the difficult parts. If I think too hard about the difficult stuff, I start to hyperventilate. If I think about the good stuff, I make it through every day with some joy intact. So I'm thinking about the good stuff, and doing my best to either ignore or conquer the difficult stuff.

Now, the nature of some difficult things is that they become even more difficult when you ignore them. Mold and bills, for instance. But that's just a risk I have to take. I'm taking small bites right now, and, to stretch a metaphor, chewing is lots of work.

I can't bear to get more specific than that, because crying is not what I want to be doing right now. Besides, we leave for Torchwood in a little bit, and that is one of the joyful things, so I can go ahead and ignore the tough stuff for a bit longer.

If you have an urge to share some joyfulness with me tonight, that'd be cool. I think I'll also give The List a try. That often helps.

The List

As some of you know, I do this list when I need cheering up. Here goes:

Five things that are good about me:

1. I take good care of myself
2. I am a hard worker
3. I do the best I can to take ownership of my own problems
4. I admit it when I screw up
5. I have the courage of my convictions

Five things I'm grateful for:

1. The Best Job Ever
2. I have a home, with running water and a stove and everything
3. My only debts are a small student loan and a medium-sized amount of medical bills (it feels large to me, but it's thousands, not tens of thousands or hundreds of thousands)
4. My friends
5. Medical insurance

Five people or animals who love me without reservation:

1. someotherguy
2. stonebender
3. My mother
4. wtfpotatoes
5. My foster sister, Cindy

Five times in recent memory when I was happy/joyful/contented:

1. When I was culling files and getting them out of the way at work today.
2. When people at work were happy to be told about our gender-neutral letter system (my baby)
3. When wtfpotatoes and I were driving to stonebender's place with the radio blasting
4. When I walked home today without having to stop for a rest.
5. When I was sitting at the table today sorting pinto beans for dinner

Five things I'm good at:

1. Letting myself be imperfect
2. Cooking
3. Typing
4. Learning new things
5. Following directions