Anxiety

One of the weird things about the cancer journey for me is the anxiety -- not anxiety about cancer or dying, but anxiety caused by the fluctuations in hormones as we figure out the right thyroid doses for me, adjust Vitamin D, etc. (I didn't know Vitamin D was a hormone, not a vitamin, until recently).

And the weirdest thing, or perhaps the hardest to deal with, is that I'm never sure if I'm anxious because I'm anxious, or if I'm anxious because of the drugs. I don't tend, generally, to be a super-anxious person, or didn't before all this, but I'm sitting here now practically hyperventilating with stress. Is it because I have so much to do this weekend, or because the drugs are being wacky? I have no way of knowing. (Cancelling all my plans isn't a really good diagnostic tool, because cancelling them would reasonably create other anxieties.)

So I'll cope, and be easy on myself, and see how it goes.

( And maybe I'll make a list of the things I need to do this weekend, and see if listing them makes them less overwhelming. )

(no subject)

So far, I think I'm managing my anxious day pretty well. Woke up early (not by design) and spent some time just being nice to myself. When the boyfiend woke up, went with him on his errands (because being around him calms me) and then took him on a little shopping trip. It didn't help much, but it didn't hurt. Then I asked for some hugs, and that was nice, though I still felt kinda shaky. Took the kid to the chair store and ordered the free chair (long story), then took her out to lunch, and had a very nice visit with her while eating my first-ever moussaka. I like moussaka, but I had no reason to believe I wouldn't. Now I'm home, and I'm gonna rest up for a few minutes and then get help from the boyfiend in moving the sofa out of the kid's room. How far I'll get in cleaning the room remains to be seen, and may depend on whether anyone's willing to help me.

I'm ignoring the magazine today, and the housework. There's only so much I can cope with at the moment.

I get by with a little...

So I let the kid know how I was feeling, and without being asked, she took over the room-cleaning detail. She wouldn't let me do anything. She moved the sofabed down, swept and mopped the floor, put the rug down, and carried up the recliner (the boyfiend disassembled the sofabed and helped with the lugging). I didn't lift a finger, besides running her a container of mop water.

Her place is SO much better now, and we're not even done! She can open her door! There's actual floor space. She'll be able to have visitors there.

Next, someotherguy (typing "the boyfiend" is simpler) and I will patch the holes in the wall, fix the window, and finish up the paint job. And Monday, the kid and I will head to Ikea and get her a table that will work for her.

Amazing how much easier things can be when you let people help you, huh? (I know, I know, I'm a dumbass for not thinking of it BEFORE I got all anxious, but still, yay.)

(no subject)

Right now, in this moment, I feel just fine. Completely normal, even. Not sure why, but I'll take it. Thanks to everyone who was sweet and gentle with me today.