Why I can't stop crying

I've been weepy since yesterday afternoon, and it doesn't seem to be abating much.

I'm not upset about it; just tired.

It was a long, hard week, emotionally, and tears seem to me to be a really reasonable reaction to it.

My sister, who has burned all her bridges, is alone, homeless, and hospitalized. I'm the only one willing to listen to her problems, and I'm the one it hurts the least, so she's been calling me multiple times a day to lay her angst and fear and tears on me. I'm okay with doing this for her -- no one should have stage 3 cancer alone, not even someone who has wreaked the havoc this person has -- but it wears me down.

The kids are both worrying me in their own ways. They have problems of their own making and they want me to solve them. They also have problems that are not their fault because of the parents they got stuck with, and I want me to solve those.

My mom and sister are estranged, so every day this week looked something like this:


Call mom on the way to work to give her the sister update

Get to work and try to get things done between calls from mom and sister

Call mom on the way home to give her the update. Usually then call my aunt, because my mom is afraid she won't remember the details

Get home and encounter a handful of self-inflicted crises from family members who want me to fix their problems

Get treated sweetly by my family, which helps, it really does, but also makes me weepy and fragile

Call out for pizza or eat sandwiches for dinner, because I have neither the energy to clean the kitchen nor cook anything

Lather, rinse, repeat

Today, I am enforcing some downtime on myself. Besides driving the kid to the computer store at 4, I have no plans, and I refuse to make any. Tomorrow, I have a fun plan to go decorate with loracs, and I'll do that, but other than that, again, no plans. This is how I take care of myself. If I feel like cleaning, I will. If I feel like vegging out in front of the computer with junk food and iced tea, that's what I'll do.

(no subject)

My kid is making me tea with sugar and milk (classic comfort food) and doing little funny things to make me laugh. Mom Food comes full circle.

Things got better

Thank you, everyone. The day got much better as soon as my local family woke up. Several things made the day better as it went along:

The kid made me tea with milk and sugar and was sweet to me.

Both boyfriends were, as always, sweet to me. Sense a theme?

loracs was sweet to me.

Then james_huber and I took the kid to Best Buy, then the grocery store for Mom Food stuff, then home, in the Zipcar. Have I mentioned I love Zipcar?

Oh, and on the way to get the Zipcar? Dance flashmob!

Walked the 2 miles home from the Zipcar lot, bought a jacket and some burgers on the way, and just talked about how I wished I'd awakened everyone sooner to make me feel better.

And somewhere along the line, got a hint that I'm probably really hormonal today, which would help explain at least some of the crying.

And james_huber and wtfpotatoes cleaned the kitchen! You have no idea how depressing it is to me when the house is a pit. It's still a pit, but at least the kitchen is lovely, so I can cook tomorrow!

Talked with the kid for a long time about how complicated her emotions about her mother are, but I interrupted too much, so I hope I get a chance to do it again soon, with more listening.

Now I'll sit and veg for a while and write a blog post or six.

How was YOUR day? Anything joyful happen to you, with you, because of you?