(no subject)

[serene]

What an awful day yesterday was. Not completely bad -- had fun hanging out with wtfpotatoes and eating junk food and watching NCIS. Did you know that teenagers can be incredibly supportive and empathetic? -- but every few minutes, the phone would ring, and it was never good news. At the end of the day, the upshot was that Munchkin The Younger is staying with his mom overnight at the home of a friend of hers, and tomorrow the odds are they will go to Mexico to stay at his dad's (which is where his mom has been crashing lately).

My brother-in-law is mostly a decent sort, but not exactly parent material. We all know what I think of my sister.

My mother had to do what she did (she kicked him out) and I am not upset with her. She set clear boundaries, the kid violated them, the kid is 19, the kid is out. I get that. That doesn't make me less concerned about his welfare, or make it fun to spend all day on the phone talking him out of suicide (I don't think he was serious, but I called 911 anyway, because he said he was. He learned from his mother that threatening suicide works to get you what you want. This time, it didn't, because my mom is tired and old and finally developing a backbone) and reassuring mom that she is not wrong to save herself, even if the thought of my (impaired) kid out on the street terrifies me..

I couldn't rescue them when they were small -- I had no legal standing, and the social worker told us "it's not illegal to be a bad parent", so no court would give them to me over their mother's objections. I chose the path of least resistence for me -- I moved in with them to try to offer some parenting help, and that worked for five years until it didn't work any more. Then I left. I left them there, in that environment, knowing it was a chronic wounding force in their lives. Finally, a few years ago, my mother kicked my sister out of the home, and that was good, but I'm afraid it was a bit too late to help.

I kinda wish I'd just run with them, but she would have fought me, I know she would've. Still.

Where I keep ending up with my constant brain chatter is this: What counts is what I can do right now. Right now, I can try to help him if I can, while setting a clear boundary: he needs to get into treatment if he wants to come here (he doesn't want to leave his friends, which he'd have to do to come here, and he doesn't want to be in treatment). For the past few years, what I could do was to keep helping him and my mom mend their fences, so that he would have a safe place to live, even if it was with my mom, who, let's be honest, is not the easiest person to live with.

I've run out of words just now, but I may ramble about this some more later. Please feel free to skip it. I'm not looking for reassurance or sympathy or anything (though I won't bite your head off if you offer or anything -- I just really am not in need of it right now). I just need to type about it for a while, I think, and try to figure out if there's something else I should be doing to help him.

Comments

[j00j]

*hugs*

[wild_irises]

Oh, darlin'.

I did see your later post with some good news, but I'm still sending you as much loving as you'll take.