I should be working

[serene]

I stole this from firecat and kept some of zir answers, too.



* what is your current relationship status? 1 live-in life partner, 1 long-distance life partner, 2 long-distance sweeties
* what is your sexual orientation? (if you don't mind me asking) I suppose bisexual sums it up well enough.
* what character traits do you look for in a potential interest? Smart/funny/compassionate
* what sort of people do you like, as far as what they're interested in in life? people who are interested in how things work, how things are made, what makes people tick. Geeks. Also, people who are passionate about something I don't understand but would like to make me very swoony.
* what physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? I'm very unpicky about physical traits.
* what kind of fashion-sense attracts you? I like it when people are comfy in whatever style they happen to have. I'm not picky about what style that might be. I will confess, though, that I don't much care for the way sweatpants look on most people.
* what kind of hair style do you find attractive on a potential mate? Don't care.
* what is the usual age range you look at? Don't care. Can't imagine myself with someone under 20, but that's not a rule, just a thought.
* what traits turn you off? Bad personal habits, rudeness, inability to be civil when angry.
* do you prefer to date various people, or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly? Neither. I don't tend to "date", but I am polyamorous, and am currently involved with several people.
* are you afraid to ask people out on dates? Nope.

single life
* if you're single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? Not applicable
* what are the positive points about being single? Lots of alone time to do whatever I want, only having to clean up after myself.
* what are the negative points about being single? Being lonely and horny, getting into bad relationships because of touch-hunger.
* when single, do you often find youself longing for companionship? Sometimes
* how well do you handle rejection? It hurts but I survive.
* do you miss your last sweetie? A really really lot. But I still see her a few times a month, and things are getting better.
* do you think it's better to look for love, or let it find you? I don't think either is better, but I don't look. I prefer to see what life brings me.

when you're in a relationship
* if you're currently in a relationship right now, how long have you been in it? stonebender and I have been corresponding since last June and "together" since December, but we knew each other peripherally for four or five years before that. someotherguy and sogwife I met in late January/early February of this year. intenselaura and I are guessing it's been since May or so, but we got all mushy in our quirky, indirect way on July 6.
* what's the longest relationship you've been in? Almost 4 years.
* the shortest? Hard to say. A few months, I guess.
* what are the positive points about being in a relationship? Having someone around to talk to; having someone around to touch, not being alone at night, feeling loved.
* what are the negative points about being in a relationship? That depends on the relationship; the only common negative I can think of is that there just isn't enough time in the day.
* have you ever gone out with someone you didn't know very well? yes
* have you ever gone out with someone you had a crush on? yes
* have you ever gone out with someone who had a crush on you? yes
* what is an example of an ideal, perfect day with your sweetie? An example? Let's see. Wake up late (9am is really late), make love and/or breakfast, go out to the farmer's market, go home and put groceries away and eat, work on stuff separately for a while, but in the same room, go out in the evening to a coffee shop or something, catch live music there, go home and have hot sex, then talk in bed until we fall asleep.
* how important is it to you to know the exact status of your relationships (ie "dating", "going steady", etc)? not particularly
* do you think couples should spend a very large amount of time together, or space things out a tad? whatever works for them (for me, it depends on the dynamic with the particular person)
* have you ever found yourself worried about commitment? no
* when involved, do you try to think about the here-and-now, or do you often think about the future? here-and-now, mostly
* how do you prefer to handle disagreements? talk them to death, with both people trying to be reasonable and caring
* when in a fight, it is better to euphemize things to soften the hurt, or should one be blunt? Again, it depends on the dynamics between the people.
* how do you feel when your mate is mad at you and won't tell you why? Terrible. Wrong. Afraid. A little sick.

feelings
* do you have a crush right now? I have many mild ones, no major ones
* do they know? some do, some don't
* what's the longest period of time you've ever had a crush? about six years
* have you ever confessed your feelings to a crush? yes
* has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? yes
* do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush? yes
* how do you feel about long-distance relationships? They have their good points.
* have you ever pined for someone when you're not around them? definitely
* would you get involved with someone if they had a child already? yes
* what would you do if you got pregnant / made her pregnant while in a relationship? it might depend partly on the wishes of the person who got me pregnant and the wishes of other people in my life, but probably have and raise the kid.
* would you get involved with someone if they were previously married? yes, would and have
* how big of an issue is your mate's morals, to your compatibility? how they behave matters more than what their stated morals are. but some shared morals are necessary.
* how big of an issue is political beliefs, to your compatibility? Fairly big.
* how big of an issue is religion to your compatibility? Fairly big, but not in the sense that they need to share my (lack of) religion -- if they are religious, they need to be genuinely okay with the fact that I'm not.
* how big of an issue to you is your mate's ethnicity? It's not.
* in a potential mate, how important is conversation to you? very
* in a potential mate, how important is intelligence to you? extremely
* in a potential mate, how important is sense of humor to you? Very
* in a potential mate, how important is understanding to you? extremely
* in a potential mate, how important is forgiveness to you? extremely
* what makes your heart flutter, and brings a bit cheesy smile to your face? Geeking. Competence. Being lusted after.

makin' out
* what was your first kiss like? I don't really remember.
* what parts of a person's body do you find most attractive? depends on the person.
* what's the first thing you look at when you look at someone you're attracted to? depends on the person.
* how important is the looks of a mate's face to you? once someone is a "mate" it's been established that I like the look of their face.
* how important is the looks of a mate's body to you? once someone is a "mate" it's been established that I like the look of their body.
* when you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it, or the other? Usually the other.
* when you are about to kiss someone for the first time, do you generally feel calm, or are you nervous? Nervous, but not terribly so.
* can you generally tell when the time is right for a first kiss to happen with your object of interest? Seems to mostly work out that way
* what are your favorite places to be touched? Neck and nipples, I guess, but I sometimes think my entire body is one big erogenous zone.
* what are your favorite places to touch? Ev. 'Ry. Where.
* what are your favorite places to be kissed? Neck.
* what are your favorite places to kiss? Everywhere.
* do you prefer long sensual kisses or shorter pecks? I like both.
* have you ever kissed someone you longed for? yes
* how did that make you feel? I melted
* have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren't seriously involved with? No
* were you single at the time? N/A
* what are your ticklish areas? Feet, legs, tummy -- I'm very ticklish
* what are your turn-offs? Poor hygiene, being ridiculed, being yelled at.
* what do you most like about making out? The feel of skin on skin.

sex (there are a lot of action-specific questions I could ask, but I'll save those for the purity tests) (oh, and remember, all this is optional)
* are you a virgin? no
* if not, would you consider your first time to have been a good one? It was okay.
* how old were you when you lost your virginity? 25
* have you ever had sex with someone you loved? yes
* have you ever turned down an offer for sex? yes
* if you are a virgin, how do you feel about sex? not applicable
* if you are a virgin, (rock on!), what are your reasons to stay that way? not applicable
* how much do you think sex changes a relationship? depends on the relationship, but for me by the time there's sex, the relationship is often pretty close to being where it's going to be -- I'm not saying that exactly the way I mean it, but close.
* has anyone ever walked in on you during love-making? yes
* on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being highest) how would you rate your sexual attractiveness? Depends on the person.
* on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being highest) how would you rate your - *ahem* - kink factor? Pretty low, but not nonexistent -- probably a 2 or 3.
* how do you feel about casual sex? I'm not closed to it, but I also don't seem to pursue the opportunities available (e.g., go to sex parties and have sex with people I don't know), so I guess I'm not very interested in it, in the end.
* at what level of importance does sex factor into your relationships? It depends on the relationship, but in general, if there is physical affection and infrequent sex, that's enough, as long as I don't feel like the person has lost interest in me.
* how important is it to talk frankly about sex? It's important to me.
* would you stay with a lover if the love stopped, but the sex was still enjoyable? I don't know. It's never happened to me. I still love everyone I've ever been in love with.
* would you stay with a lover if the sex stopped / got boring, but there was still love? yes.

love
* do you believe in love? yes
* do you believe in love at first sight? Maybe. Connection at first sight, though, definitely.
* what would it take for you to love someone? It depends completely on the someone.
* has someone ever told you they loved you? yes
* have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it? yes
* have you ever told someone you loved them and not meant it? yes, but not in a very, very long time
* do you believe it's necessary to express your love in words, of is just the atmosphere and feelings enough? I am the sort to say "I love you" a zillion times a day, but I don't think it's essential to do so.
* are you a monogamous person, or do you believe in open-ended realtionships? I'm poly.
* do you believe love can end, or do you think it never goes away, and just changes, or what? it can end. it can change. For me it often continues after the relationship is no longer active, though.

marriage
* have you ever been married? No.
* how do you feel about marriage? I don't trust legal marriage, and I'm pissed that same sex couples can't get legally married, and I'm pissed that so many benefits are tied to legal marriage. I'm all for people marrying to show their commitment to each other, though.
* if you're currently not married, do you foresee yourself ever tying the knot? No.
* do you plan on having children some day? no
* what are your feelings on polyamoury (an "open" marriage, aka swinging)? well, polyamory, open marriage, and swinging are different concepts, not "aka"s. That said, polyamory works for me. I don't think swinging would -- I don't have enough interest in casual sex. But I have no problem that it works for other people.
* Do you feel that Bill Clinton's extramarital affairs were really the business of everyone else in the world? Heh. No.

breakups
* have you ever had your heart broken? yes
* have you ever been dumped? yes
* have you ever dumped someone? yes
* have you ever mutually broken up with someone? yes
* has a romantic companion ever made you cry? yes
* did you cry in their presence? yes
* did you cry with them? yes
* have you ever made a romantic companion cry? yes
* have you ever had an emotional pain so bad it made you sick or physically hurt? yes
* have you ever been unfaithful? if so, how did it make you feel? By my definition, yes. I felt like shit, and it's still one of my big regrets in life.
* if so, did they find out? Yes, because I told him.
* have you ever been cheated on? if so, how did it make you feel? I've never been cheated on because I've never asked for monogamy.
* have you ever had to end a relationship due to life changes not related to romance (ie moving, strict parents, etc)? no
* have you ever learned an important lesson as a result of a break up? yes

the aftermath
* have you ever gotten back together with someone after breaking up? heh. a few times.
* did it work? yes, for a while.
* do you believe there's hope for people after they get back together, or do you think the same problems that caused the initial break-up will resurface? yes
* have you ever broke up and remained friends afterward? I'm friends with three out of six of my exes, and would be friendly with the other three if there were any contact. Of the latter three, one has told me that he doesn't think we should be friends, and I am fine with that, but it was all done in a friendly fashion, if that makes sense.
* have you ever broke up and became bitter enemies? no
* if so, did you ever made amends? not applicable
* have you ever broke up and lost touch? yes.
* have you ever got back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication? yes
* were you afraid to do so? yes
* do you ever check up on old flames (weather by asking mutual friends, for example), without actually contacting them? yes
* if you've ever lost touch or went sour with someone who you loved, how did it make you feel? guilty
* have you ever longed to get back together with someone? yes
* although it surely depends of specific relationships, how long does it take before you're out looking for companionship again? I don't tend to look for companionship.

Comments

[bayarts.livejournal.com]

I'm curious, so will ask...does jealousy play a role in your being polyamorous ? Do you block it out or does it even occur?

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I have been jealous once in my life. It took me by surprise, lasted until I told TOTGA about it, and never recurred. But I know plenty of happily poly people who do experience jealousy, and I wouldn't say they block it out; from their descriptions, it sounds more like they find ways to acknowledge and manage it, kind of like any other emotion that is typically difficult to handle.

[bayarts.livejournal.com]

Sounds very mature to me. The world needs more polys, obviously! :-)

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Heh. :-)

(Oh, I don't know, I think there are plenty of mature monogamous people who handle jealousy well, and plenty of poly people who handle it badly. But now I'm just being pedantic. :-)

[bayarts.livejournal.com]

You know, you might be right, of course, but when I think about it I can't name one monogamous person who doesn't experience jealousy as a normal course of events. It could just be the people I know, though. We're a big buncha babies. ;-)