Subtle little/big shift
Oct. 23rd, 2003 11:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sereneNot sure I can put this into words that make any sense, but I'll try.
Sitting here collating paperwork, mindless work, pondering emails and my experiences over the last few months, I started realizing gently and slowly, over a few minutes' span, that I get to be done with grief when I'm done with it, and I get to go back to being entirely joyful whenever I want, and I choose now. Not suddenly, but smoothly, the grief and regret over the last year or so of my life just kind of washed away, and I saw myself clearly, and saw how I can just let go of worrying about what it will do to others if I am happy.
I don't want to be overdramatic, or assume this will last past the next few hours or whatever, but I feel renewed. I think that sometimes sleep deprivation and monotony are the equivalent of meditation.
Sitting here collating paperwork, mindless work, pondering emails and my experiences over the last few months, I started realizing gently and slowly, over a few minutes' span, that I get to be done with grief when I'm done with it, and I get to go back to being entirely joyful whenever I want, and I choose now. Not suddenly, but smoothly, the grief and regret over the last year or so of my life just kind of washed away, and I saw myself clearly, and saw how I can just let go of worrying about what it will do to others if I am happy.
I don't want to be overdramatic, or assume this will last past the next few hours or whatever, but I feel renewed. I think that sometimes sleep deprivation and monotony are the equivalent of meditation.