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Aug. 23rd, 2004 10:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sereneOn a list I'm on, someone said zie isn't out about being poly because no one needs to know what zie's doing in bed, or something like that. That inspired a -- well, not exactly a rant, because I'm not worked up about it or anything -- but a fairly passionate explanation of why being out works for me. Please don't read it if: (a) you don'wanna; (b) you are likely to read "I'm out and it works for me" as "you're a moron if you're not out"; or (c) you would be distressed to find out my brothers are monogamous hetboys.
Who I love is not about what goes on in my bedroom -- it's about who
I spend my love and time on, and who I will take to family functions.
It's about whose rings I wear and whose photos are on my desk at work,
and whose serious illness means I will spend the night in a chair in a
hospital room. Being out about being poly means that my family of
origin treats my loves as family (I know that's not a given, but my
family is used to adjusting to my weirdness, and I believe that my
matter-of-fact outness all my life got them ready for having so
many out-laws on my side). Being out about poly means I don't have
to introduce the people I plan to spend the rest of my life with as
my "friends" or my "roommates".
If people are offended by the fact that the people I love number
four rather than one, it's not about what I do in the bedroom. It's
about their intolerance. My siblings are married to one person each,
and I have no idea what they do in the bedroom, [edit: Except I know
whatever it is, it's netted them ten-going-on-eleven kids between them]
nor do they have any idea what I do. Still, they can say "my wife and I
went to the store and bought a lamp" and people don't say "You have
a WIFE? I don't want to know what you do in bed, dude!"
Anyway, being out is not about throwing anything in anyone's face,
for me. It's about having the same consideration for my loves as
my brothers have for their wives -- they are together and in love,
and everyone knows it. Likewise with me and my partners, and
I wouldn't have it any other way.
Who I love is not about what goes on in my bedroom -- it's about who
I spend my love and time on, and who I will take to family functions.
It's about whose rings I wear and whose photos are on my desk at work,
and whose serious illness means I will spend the night in a chair in a
hospital room. Being out about being poly means that my family of
origin treats my loves as family (I know that's not a given, but my
family is used to adjusting to my weirdness, and I believe that my
matter-of-fact outness all my life got them ready for having so
many out-laws on my side). Being out about poly means I don't have
to introduce the people I plan to spend the rest of my life with as
my "friends" or my "roommates".
If people are offended by the fact that the people I love number
four rather than one, it's not about what I do in the bedroom. It's
about their intolerance. My siblings are married to one person each,
and I have no idea what they do in the bedroom, [edit: Except I know
whatever it is, it's netted them ten-going-on-eleven kids between them]
nor do they have any idea what I do. Still, they can say "my wife and I
went to the store and bought a lamp" and people don't say "You have
a WIFE? I don't want to know what you do in bed, dude!"
Anyway, being out is not about throwing anything in anyone's face,
for me. It's about having the same consideration for my loves as
my brothers have for their wives -- they are together and in love,
and everyone knows it. Likewise with me and my partners, and
I wouldn't have it any other way.