Do people "drop by" any more?

[serene]

Had a conversation with a good friend the other day. We live within dropping-by distance of each other. That is to say, it would be trivial in terms of time and effort to end up at zir house, or zir at mine. Frequently, on my walks with my partners, we walk right by zir house.

In the conversation we had, I explained that one reason we don't see each other more often is that I don't know zir "dropping by protocol". That is, should I call first? How far in advance? Is dropping by occasionally without notice okay? How about the proverbial "I'm here to borrow a cup of sugar"? Would zie prefer that drop-by visits be scheduled? Etc.

Zie and I will discuss this ourselves for our particular circumstance, but it made me want to ask y'all about what you do.

Do you drop by any more? I mean, we did a lot of that when I was a kid -- mom would drag us over to her friend's house for tea, and there was always tea, and we would play with our peers. Nowadays, though, most of my friends are *not* within dropping-by distance, and I feel that dropping by the friendly neighbor's house [edit: the friendly neighbor is a different person from the person discussed above] is right out, etiquette-wise.

What do you think? What is your personal protocol for having your friends drop by? (I'm assuming friends that you like and want to see more often, not the friends that you're not particularly fond of or whatever.)

I have even thought of having one of those old-fashioned "serene is at home receiving visitors" days so that people *know* that dropping by is okay, but that seems a terrible affectation.

Discuss. ;-)

Comments

[artemii.livejournal.com]

i think it depends so much on the person - both the one doing dropping & the one being dropped in on. i don't much care for people dropping in on me unless i'm out in the garden already, & tend not to answer my doorbell when it chimes unexpectedly; but some people i know like drop-ins, so i will drop in on them now & again.

Well...

[the-ogre.livejournal.com]

...I don't do "drop by" at all anymore.

Mostly, my friends are not directly local - none in walking distance. The other reason is that all of my friends are as busy as I am, so the likelyhood of just dropping by and finding them at home and unoccupied enough to spend some time with me is pretty low.

However, I often will note in my journal that I'm at home wiht nothing much to do, and friends are more than welcome to come by.

[berkeleyfarm.livejournal.com]

A lot depends, but phone calls are de rigueur. Cell phones make this a little easier as one can do so on-the-fly.

Best friend #1 lives three blocks from me and called yesterday (she wanted newspaper for the bunny). I asked her to please come by in 1/2 hour as I needed a shower, badly, and was about to step into it.

I love the idea of at-home times. I think I'd drop by ;-). I have been thinking of you lately as I have been trawling around your nabe (which is sort of my old one).

(sending you vibes for the resolution of accident issues, and so glad you walked away from it)

[red-frog.livejournal.com]

Not here. More likely in C'ville, especially since I was central to a lot of people and that I worked out of the house meant that I was a good bet to be home if someone came by. OTOH, it's something that I prefer to have warning about for that very reason: I am working here, and even if I don't mind taking a break I'd like to plan it.

I like the idea of having "at-home" days, myself.

[odosonata.livejournal.com]

I have a very small number of local friends, and they know (from experience) better than to drop by without at least a 5 minute heads-up phone call. D, C, and I are "very causal" people, and we sit around in our underwear unless someone IS coming over. :-) We've had to scramble for pants a few times. Once I even forgot to inform C that someone had called and was coming right over. Oops! I forgot he's not a baby. So... always call first is important to us, and our friends are welcome to "drop by" in this fashion any time we're awake.

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

My rule of thumb: I don't drop by. Ever. Well, okay, I've lived in two circumstances where it was deemed socially acceptable practice -- college dorms and East Germany (where no one had telephones) -- but other than that, I assume people will plan things in advance or at least phone first.

-J

[machineplay.livejournal.com]

I love the idea of having a visiting time. :) I also love the idea of calling cards and such.

I hate people dropping by, personally. But that's because I am a mad introvert and hated it when friends came by when I was a child as well. I would drag myself to the door and inform them that I was reading and then close the door on them.

[catya.livejournal.com]

Yes and no? We have a fairly drop by house, but usually people call to tell us first. (not always!)

My mom or my brother/SIL will come by if they are in the area, without calling first, and i do the same with them.

We do one "official" drop in time -tuesday afternoons are "drop-in" playgroup, parents come by with small kids etc.

There's something called "open parlour night" around here - wednesday nights, it varies between households, it's another "drop in" time. (not at my place)

i love having people drop in, or call and say that they're nearby or whatever and want to come by - it makes me happy :) i will sometimes cal pepople and do the reverse "i'm going to be near you, do you want company", but less often than we host :)

This is part of what inspires me for cohousing... (http://www.mosaic-commons.org)

[trinker.livejournal.com]

I don't do drop-ins, and I think this household lives a life that makes dropping in on us difficult, anyway. I like the idea of "at home receiving visitors" hours, though.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I don't drop by now, and I miss it. But the people I would most want to drop by are a) so damn busy that I can't even SCHEDULE time with them, b) a long drive or a plane flight away.

I should get to know my neighbors, if any of them are ever home.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

When I was home raising kids, my neighbors and I dropped in on each other all the time. I'm now down to one neighbor who a)is still here and b)likes to be dropped in on. And she's welcome to drop in on me when I'm home because I can tell her it's not a good time when it isn't and I love chatting with her. She's the neighbor directly across the street, so we can see each other's comings and goings and pretty acurately assess when it *is* a good time.

That said, I'm not fond of people just dropping by out of the blue. I appreciate a phone call first. But I like having people around and usually have refreshment-type stuff. Just give me five minutes to toss the detritus of daily living into the back bedroom :).

hmmm...

[simplykimberly.livejournal.com]

Aidon feels more strongly than I do, but we both prefer at least a phone call, first. That being said - we have a 10 year old, and lots of neighbor kids, so the door bell gets rung with regularity without a phone call by the short crowd. My sister lives a couple miles from here, and will drop by - but she always calls first - which is totally fine. My dad will do the same thing (although much less frequently - and he lives an hour away.)

I will sometimes drop by my mother's house without calling, but I think she's the only one I'd do that to - and I do usually phone first. I'll do the same thing my sister does as far as dropping by her place - quick call beforehand. Doesn't have to be more than 2 minutes - and we're both comfortable saying "not now, thanks!"

I don't have any local friends I'm close enough with to do something like that.

Re: Do people "drop by" any more?

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

i do it when i am living in a place with the right kind of friends because i don't like it as a standard for everybody; i prefer to have some notice. but with some people i love it, and they can just come by anytime they want.

the "rightness" consists of basically not needing any entertainment, and just being happy to hang around and do whatever in my company; not caring what the place looks like, and being perfectly able to hear and respect "i am in a mood to be alone; sorry".

with lots of other people the notice can be in the form of a phone call saying "i'm thinking of dropping by tonight; is that a good time?". 2 hours notice is fine, usually. (you can use that one, *grin*).

haven't had that locally for quite some years now, but am developing it with two local friends.

i actually like the "at home receiving visitors" idea, and don't find it affectated in this day and age where so many people live very busy and scheduled lives.

[stonebender.livejournal.com]

Would zie prefer that drop-by visits be scheduled?

If it's scheduled it isn't really a "drop-by" visit, is it? *ducking*

I wonder if dropping by is something younger folk do? As a kid, I used to drop by neighborhood friends. I did so while living in the dorms. I don't really drop by these days. Of course, this is partly due to disability access in my case.

Generally I prefer folks call before dropping by my place.

In case you were worried, you can drop anytime, Buttercup.

[rosefox]

I don't, generally, but there are people locally whose houses I know I could walk into with no warning--akienm and dawnd, princeofwands and karenbynight and davetoo--just as there are people locally who could walk into our house. We made a batch of ten housekeys a while back and gave them to a number of our friends to emphasize this; others know the keypad code on our garage door. They understand that we may be naked and please not to let the cat out, we trust them not to sell our stuff on eBay before we get home, and that's all that's needed. *)

The snag is that we're scattered all over the Bay Area, so actual unannounced dropping by rarely happens, and it's more thought of as "in an emergency". But with four of us living here and making our own social arrangements, I'm quite used to people coming in the door who I didn't know were coming over. We just leave it unlocked whenever someone's home; simpler that way. A neighbor once knocked to inform us that our front gate was open. "Yes, we know," we said. He seemed to think us odd for wanting to be so available. Personally, I think it's wonderful to be able to.

I do really enjoy "coming 'round"--different from "dropping by" in implications of duration of stay and request/invitation beforehand, as in "Why don't you come 'round for some tea and board games?"--and wish that sort of spontaneity was more plausible here. It's the one big downside to living in such a big urban area: one doesn't tend to be unexpectedly near someone else, or routinely near enough to just call and come over. When I was in Australia, australian_joe and I went out to dinner one night and afterwards decided that we felt social, and so we rang up alecto23 and S and asked if they felt social too, which they did, and we went 'round and ate lemon rice pudding and played Puerto Rico and had a lovely time. It was really marvelous. Here, that would have involved an hour on BART instead of ten minutes' walk.

When I go back to New York, I'm starting to consider living in Harlem (above 125th Street), even though I've never in my life considered living north of 23rd Street, because enough of my friends are up there to make it worthwhile. I want to be able to drop by and come 'round, and I want friends to do the same with me.

[kshandra]

I have even thought of having one of those old-fashioned "serene is at home receiving visitors" days so that people *know* that dropping by is okay, but that seems a terrible affectation.

flower_cat's been doing that every Wednesday ("Whether we're at home or not") as long as she and mdlbear have been married. I love the idea.

You may see this quoted in my journal shortly, as variations on this theme have been on my mind a lot lately....

[pameladean]

I don't think having an at-home is affected in the least. A lot of my friends have done this from time to time.

I don't like being dropped in on. I work at home, keep odd hours, tend to get behind on important stuff, and can't shift into social mode easily.

Pamela

[glitterophelia.livejournal.com]

Nope, I don't drop by. It annoys the HELL out of me when people drop by and don't call first. I've actually had people do that and get annoyed with me because I was on my way out because I already had PLANS. So yeah. A phone call first is cool. It can be ten minutes or even five minutes beforehand, I don't care. :) I am just not always ready for someone to just drop by! *hugs*

[jb98.livejournal.com]

I drop in on people if I find myself near their house. I figure they can tell me if it's not a good time. I like it when people drop in on me, too.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

My mother once gave me a huge telling-off for saying to a friend who'd dropped by that I didn't want to play right now.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

I don't _mind_ if people drop by, although I prefer a phone call first. (I especially don't mind if people are prepared to take "I'm sorry, this isn't a good time" with good grace, which my friends do; they know we are busy people and that we have a small child, so there's a distinctly non-zero chance that it won't be a good time.)

Just yesterday a friend dropped by to see us and we weren't home. She sent me an SMS to this effect and we arranged to catch up later in the day (and she did, and it was cool).

As for "at home" times, I've no problem with that at all. In fact I've been known, when phoning ahead to see if someone's in, to ask if they are "at home to visitors".

[lysana.livejournal.com]

I really prefer people at least call first. I had an acquaintance who'd just pop up (and she lived half an hour away, so it wasn't a situation where she just "happened to be in the neighborhood"), and it drove me nuts.

Currently, I don't have the room to have guests over. When I do, I might flirt with either an open-invite house party or even that visiting hours idea you mention.

[faeryguinevere.livejournal.com]

I wish people would drop by :)

When I wish to "drop by" I usually call ahead to see if there is a good time for me to do so, with my local friends. I have 2 good friends who live within walking distance, so if we all had clear "drop in" or "call ahead" policies, that would make things easier.

[rsc.livejournal.com]

Ann Landers always frowned on dropping by, but what does she know>

I'm usually hesitant to do so, at least without calling first. Once in a while people we know who happen to be in Gloucester will show up, but it hasn't happened much recently. We're usually glad to see them, but if we're not, I see no problem in telling them that it's not convenient at the moment.

I have even thought of having one of those old-fashioned "serene is at home receiving visitors" days so that people *know* that dropping by is okay, but that seems a terrible affectation.

On the contrary, it seems like a very nice affectation.

[linenoise.livejournal.com]

Generally I don't do dropping by. I did a bit last year when the living situation was a little bit different, and everyone mostly expected it. But I hate to feel like I'm imposing, even when I'm not, so I do call-ahead.

On the other end of it, I would love for more people to drop by here. My days aren't nearly so full that I can't spare a half hour to chat or whatever. And even if I'm in the middle of something, I'm an expert at both multitasking and "saving state" to come back later. So I really have no objection to it at all, assuming I'm home when people come a calling.