(no subject)
Nov. 10th, 2004 11:49 pmSometimes it sinks in that I'm gonna die some day, perhaps today, and it kinda freaks me out.
All the more reason to live a life I love, but still. It chills me sometimes.
All the more reason to live a life I love, but still. It chills me sometimes.
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Date: 2004-11-11 07:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-11 07:56 am (UTC)(Seriously, though, I have devices for getting over myself about this. Chief among them is to remind myself that freaking out about dying won't stop it from happening. Still, sometimes it's just a profound freak-out. Such a sense of powerlessness and, um... unfairness? No, not that, but some sort of three-year-old stomping her foot and saying "But I don't WANNA!!")
Use your devices, P.R.N.
Date: 2004-11-11 02:55 pm (UTC)With the loss of people close to your family, and the approaching holidays, be aware that your perspective is somewhat skewed.
In my first 5 years with my husband, we lost 5 close relatives. Every morning I say to him, or at least to myself "I love you every day".
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Date: 2004-11-11 02:58 pm (UTC)The idea of dying myself doesn't bother me so long as it does not hurt, but I am OVER this other-people-dying bit.
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Date: 2004-11-11 06:28 pm (UTC)Anyway, it'll either be nothing, the deepest sleep you ever had (in which case there's nothing to worry about) or it'll be quite the adventure. And I'm a big fan of both. heh.
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Date: 2004-11-12 01:29 am (UTC)My main coping strategy seems to be an ongoing internal getting-my-affairs-in-order sort of thing: keep in mind that every opportunity I get for something that matters (telling someone I love them, doing something nice for someone, noticing my enjoyment of a patch of sunlight) might be the last one I get, and using it as well as I can. It's hard for me to stay that conscious of such things all the time, but to the extent that I manage, I'm comforted knowing at least the end won't sneak up on me... Kind of weirdly, I think this has become my version of spirituality.
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Date: 2004-11-11 08:19 am (UTC)when it is time for death it will such for those who love you, but ... it'll be time.
the day will come. but so will sunsent.
and sunrise.
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Date: 2004-11-11 01:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-11 04:58 pm (UTC)*hugs*
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Date: 2004-11-11 05:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-11 05:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-11-11 09:51 pm (UTC)I used to be a hospice worker. I probably will be again, but I needed a break. But I have a different way of relating to death than most people I know.
Meemo Bryers was a lovely 86 yr old lady who was dying of cancer. She used to have "visits" with this relative or that. I remember one time, she was napping in her easy chair, and she woke with a start. "Oh, my," she said, and waving at the, to me, empty air, told me that her dear cousin Em had come for a visit (aside, she whispered "I'm so excited! I haven't seen Em since she died! She was 19. I was so sad), and would I go get some tea. She said that she knew that Em couldn't drink the tea, but bring her some for politeness sake, won't you dear?
Meemo died a few weeks later. I can still see her sipping tea with Em.
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Date: 2004-11-12 12:58 am (UTC)If I believed in reincarnation or life after death then this wouldn't be an issue. But I don't believe. I just think it would be nice. On the other hand, it could be horrid.
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Date: 2004-11-12 04:18 am (UTC)