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Apr. 18th, 2005 02:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sereneI do milestones. It's how I function. My brain remembers stuff that's significant to me. Sadly, I don't remember my friends' birthdays or which day the trash goes out, but it's easy for me to remember that I graduated on 6/17/82, and that I met ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
someotherguy on the last Tuesday of January, and that stonebender said he loved me on December 30th, and that my parents' anniversary (they've been divorced for 25 years) is on April 18th.
April 18th is a day I've always checked in with mom to see how she is -- she still carries a torch for dad -- but it's also a rough day for me these days. Two years ago, the woman I loved -- love still -- asked me to leave. Told me she couldn't take the unhappiness any more. I went to my mother's, and over the next couple of months, we divided our stuff and moved out of our dream apartment.
On days like today, days that give me strong reminders of that time, I tend to wallow a little. I think it's okay that I do -- I think being sad at losing a great love is appropriate. I still turn over in my mind the things I did that were obviously wrong, and the things I did that were just clueless. I still kick myself for failing at communicating with this person. I still wish I had her in my life.
It took me years to stop doing this with TOTGA. One day I will stop doing it with cute-poet-chick. Life is like that. Still, it's a bit of a down day. I don't need comforting or anything; I just wanted to talk about it a little.
someotherguy on the last Tuesday of January, and that stonebender said he loved me on December 30th, and that my parents' anniversary (they've been divorced for 25 years) is on April 18th. April 18th is a day I've always checked in with mom to see how she is -- she still carries a torch for dad -- but it's also a rough day for me these days. Two years ago, the woman I loved -- love still -- asked me to leave. Told me she couldn't take the unhappiness any more. I went to my mother's, and over the next couple of months, we divided our stuff and moved out of our dream apartment.
On days like today, days that give me strong reminders of that time, I tend to wallow a little. I think it's okay that I do -- I think being sad at losing a great love is appropriate. I still turn over in my mind the things I did that were obviously wrong, and the things I did that were just clueless. I still kick myself for failing at communicating with this person. I still wish I had her in my life.
It took me years to stop doing this with TOTGA. One day I will stop doing it with cute-poet-chick. Life is like that. Still, it's a bit of a down day. I don't need comforting or anything; I just wanted to talk about it a little.