(no subject)

[serene]

I do milestones. It's how I function. My brain remembers stuff that's significant to me. Sadly, I don't remember my friends' birthdays or which day the trash goes out, but it's easy for me to remember that I graduated on 6/17/82, and that I met someotherguy on the last Tuesday of January, and that stonebender said he loved me on December 30th, and that my parents' anniversary (they've been divorced for 25 years) is on April 18th.

April 18th is a day I've always checked in with mom to see how she is -- she still carries a torch for dad -- but it's also a rough day for me these days. Two years ago, the woman I loved -- love still -- asked me to leave. Told me she couldn't take the unhappiness any more. I went to my mother's, and over the next couple of months, we divided our stuff and moved out of our dream apartment.

On days like today, days that give me strong reminders of that time, I tend to wallow a little. I think it's okay that I do -- I think being sad at losing a great love is appropriate. I still turn over in my mind the things I did that were obviously wrong, and the things I did that were just clueless. I still kick myself for failing at communicating with this person. I still wish I had her in my life.

It took me years to stop doing this with TOTGA. One day I will stop doing it with cute-poet-chick. Life is like that. Still, it's a bit of a down day. I don't need comforting or anything; I just wanted to talk about it a little.

Comments

[lcohen]

last year, in the week leading up to may 7th, i got more and more edgy and unhappy and weepy and unable to cope. but i didn't notice that that was what it was--i had some things going on and i thought that maybe it was about them. and then may 7th came and i remembered ayana's phone call, and i cried, and i felt much better. and then i spent the weekend shapenote singing.

could i recommend some singing to you?

i think you being sad is entirely appropriate. i am not sad, but our situations are different--it's just our timing that was so amazingly parallel.

*hugs and love*

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

I am exactly, exactly the same way. I still feel somber on the birthday of a woman I loved and lost several years ago. Sometimes I kick myself for registering these anniversaries like that, but really it's just what I do. And it's okay.

Take care of yourself today.

-J

[berkeleyfarm.livejournal.com]

*hugs* babe.

I had a major flip-out last year leading up to my birthday, which was the anniversary of the Last Good Day I spent with my ex. I went down to the seashore and ritually cast reminders of the previous horrid year into the sea, and spent the afternoon driving up 101 (including playing tourist in Santa Barbara). Remains to be seen how I will deal with this year - it has been a year where I have gotten stronger.

Be gentle with yourself.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'm sad that the woman you love asked you to leave on something that was already a touchy anniversary. There could have been worse anniversaries, but still. . . .

*hug*

[kshandra]

May 4 is my wedding anniversary.

May 2 this year marks six months since dafydd and I broke up.

They don't cover this shit in Poly for Dummies, ya know?

*hugs and empathy*

[pure-agnostic.livejournal.com]

On days like today, days that give me strong reminders of that time, I tend to wallow a little. I think it's okay that I do -- I think being sad at losing a great love is appropriate. I still turn over in my mind the things I did that were obviously wrong, and the things I did that were just clueless. I still kick myself for failing at communicating with this person. I still wish I had her in my life.

Sounds familiar. Some of my bitterest regrets are about relationships from years ago where I messed up. Ended sadly, ended badly. Looking back, I wish I said some more positive and less negative. At least I learned what not to do.

Thanks for sharing. :-) Serene, when I read your journal entries, I think about how happy you seem with your current sweeties. I don't think the sorrow goes away, but my experience says it can dimish with time. And such sorrow can remind us to treasure the joys we have here and now.

[futabachan.livejournal.com]

Y'know, either today or tomorrow is the anniversary of the first time we ran into each other on alt.poly.... *mwah*

[submarine-bells.livejournal.com]

I have an anniversary or two like that as well. I've found that as the years pass, they do fade for me, but it takes a while. For me they are not days of black despair or anything like that; just days for melancholy reflection where I contemplate what was, and what might have been, and how things went differently to how I had hoped.

Melancholy anniversaries, yeah. Sadness and wistfulness and thoughtfulness all rolled up in a day-sized ball.