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Jun. 1st, 2005 12:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sereneWell, the really cool job looks like it's ending on Friday after all. I took the Ikea thing (part time with benefits? yeah, sign me up), and I will keep looking for the dream job as I give myself a chance to relax for a bit between jobs (and maybe visit my mom for a few days).
I'm a weird mix of withdrawn and needy today. Yesterday went really well--![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
someotherguy and dryadgrl had a date and I didn't feel bad about it at all (all day long, and that's wonderful), and stonebender and I had lunch together at my job, which was wonderful. It was a great day, but I am Out. Of. Social. Energy. Entirely. I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. (someotherguy is always the exception, because he and I can be "alone" in the same room together, if that makes sense. When I reference being alone below, that's what I'm talking about.)
Sometimes I think I underestimate how stressful it is for me when situations change in ways that I don't want them to. Moving here has been great, but I miss my family, and I miss all the time I had alone (see above) when I lived in San Diego, and honestly, I miss havingsomeotherguy to myself. That last part is irrational (I mean, really, he was married when I met him and still is, that's how irrational it is), but it's there. Everything will be okay, but this morning, I was in a fit of melancholy. I'm fine now, but I expect it to come and go as I adjust. sogwife and I are figuring out how to handle our living situation so that she can have plenty of time with someotherguy (and me, but that's less of an issue) and I can have plenty of time with my place to myself (see above).
I'm growing as this set of situations plays itself out. I am learning that even the people who really know me well sometimes need me to be super-explicit about what I want, even when I think it's been gone over before. I'm also finding it in myself to insist on what I want, and I'm not historically so good with the insisting.
Wish me well today, please. I am strong, and good, and kind, and everything will work out, but I'm weary today.
I'm a weird mix of withdrawn and needy today. Yesterday went really well--
someotherguy and dryadgrl had a date and I didn't feel bad about it at all (all day long, and that's wonderful), and stonebender and I had lunch together at my job, which was wonderful. It was a great day, but I am Out. Of. Social. Energy. Entirely. I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. (someotherguy is always the exception, because he and I can be "alone" in the same room together, if that makes sense. When I reference being alone below, that's what I'm talking about.)Sometimes I think I underestimate how stressful it is for me when situations change in ways that I don't want them to. Moving here has been great, but I miss my family, and I miss all the time I had alone (see above) when I lived in San Diego, and honestly, I miss having
someotherguy to myself. That last part is irrational (I mean, really, he was married when I met him and still is, that's how irrational it is), but it's there. Everything will be okay, but this morning, I was in a fit of melancholy. I'm fine now, but I expect it to come and go as I adjust. sogwife and I are figuring out how to handle our living situation so that she can have plenty of time with someotherguy (and me, but that's less of an issue) and I can have plenty of time with my place to myself (see above). I'm growing as this set of situations plays itself out. I am learning that even the people who really know me well sometimes need me to be super-explicit about what I want, even when I think it's been gone over before. I'm also finding it in myself to insist on what I want, and I'm not historically so good with the insisting.
Wish me well today, please. I am strong, and good, and kind, and everything will work out, but I'm weary today.