(no subject)

[serene]

Well, the really cool job looks like it's ending on Friday after all. I took the Ikea thing (part time with benefits? yeah, sign me up), and I will keep looking for the dream job as I give myself a chance to relax for a bit between jobs (and maybe visit my mom for a few days).

I'm a weird mix of withdrawn and needy today. Yesterday went really well--someotherguy and dryadgrl had a date and I didn't feel bad about it at all (all day long, and that's wonderful), and stonebender and I had lunch together at my job, which was wonderful. It was a great day, but I am Out. Of. Social. Energy. Entirely. I don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone. (someotherguy is always the exception, because he and I can be "alone" in the same room together, if that makes sense. When I reference being alone below, that's what I'm talking about.)

Sometimes I think I underestimate how stressful it is for me when situations change in ways that I don't want them to. Moving here has been great, but I miss my family, and I miss all the time I had alone (see above) when I lived in San Diego, and honestly, I miss having someotherguy to myself. That last part is irrational (I mean, really, he was married when I met him and still is, that's how irrational it is), but it's there. Everything will be okay, but this morning, I was in a fit of melancholy. I'm fine now, but I expect it to come and go as I adjust. sogwife and I are figuring out how to handle our living situation so that she can have plenty of time with someotherguy (and me, but that's less of an issue) and I can have plenty of time with my place to myself (see above).

I'm growing as this set of situations plays itself out. I am learning that even the people who really know me well sometimes need me to be super-explicit about what I want, even when I think it's been gone over before. I'm also finding it in myself to insist on what I want, and I'm not historically so good with the insisting.

Wish me well today, please. I am strong, and good, and kind, and everything will work out, but I'm weary today.

Comments

You've double posted hun.

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

Just thought I'd let you know.

Re: You've double posted hun.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

You are....

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

You are all of the good things you list about yourself and more. I sometimes have to remind myself of how good I am. Making adjustments isn't easy but you're doing well from what I can see. Be well.

Re: You are....

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

[malte.livejournal.com]

What's the dream job?

/malte, curious

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Part time (or full time if I love the people) with benefits, doing something "important" (as I define important).

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

I wish you well.

And you are definitely strong, good, and kind. Yes. That is exactly how I have described you to others. Well, almost. I put "kind" first.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you so much. Your opinion means a lot to me.

[marci-ny.livejournal.com]

We've never met in person, but I *know* that you are definitely strong and kind! Those characteristics shine through in all of your posts! I hope you are feeling better and here are some hugs in case you aren't! ((((Serene))))

~Marci

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

You're so sweet, Marci. Maybe someday will will get a chance to meet. Thank you very much.

wishing you well

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

I am learning that even the people who really know me well sometimes need me to be super-explicit about what I want, even when I think it's been gone over before.

this is incredibly hard for me to internalise, and i'm not doing a particularly good job of it myself. i think i mostly don't want to, *stomps foot*.

you definitely are kind and strong (i am not sure what "good" means, *heh*).

*grin*

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Good? I'll be humpty-dumpty about it today.

And yep, part of what's going on right now is I don't *want* to make more effort with things when I don't want to. Or something.

[berkeleyfarm.livejournal.com]

Dear heart, with the social whirl you've been in (much less your living situation), I'm not surprised you are out of social energy. It's okay.

Yes, you are strong and kind and good. Your partners are too, so keep that in mind with the "we're going to work this out", and be gentle with yourself as you work through the other side of all the changes in your life. Peace, out!

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I will miss seeing you on a semi-regular basis now that the friday thing is on hiatus. We should set up a dinner date if you're interested.

[berkeleyfarm.livejournal.com]

I would be. I'd love to have you (and whichever social attachments you desire) over for din-din some time. You could meet the kitty. I will let you know after I get back from the vacation.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Cool. I'm out of town next week (14th through 16th) and then I plan to be contact-girl and get in touch with people about socialness.

[jb98.livejournal.com]

*gigantic hugz*

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Thank you, babydoll. Your support means so much to me.

[leback.livejournal.com]

I am late in getting to this, but if well-wishes are still of use, you've got mine. I don't think I've said this yet, but I completely admire the way you seem to be dealing with everything lately. Not that this is surprising, seeing as I'm pretty used to admiring you by now.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I don't know what to say. Thank you so much.

[betanfrill.livejournal.com]

Good wishes in your direction!

I find need for space is one of the things that has to keep being communicated because people agree and then encroach without meaning to and each time it's just something small and important but before you know the space isn't there any more.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Right, exactly.

[lcohen]

i'm always a day late and a dollar short but, well, i love you a lot, and look at all the space i leave you!!!

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Harumph.