happy about happiness about happiness?

[serene]

A good half-dozen times this week, people on LJ or in person have complimented me on my happiness. People have told me they admire my capacity for joy. No fewer than three customers have told me that I was the first person in Ikea who had been pleasant to them. Someone I really admire told me that I seem to have a knack for happiness.

I wonder if people know what a compliment this is to me. I wonder if they can feel me weeping right now, remembering how really hard it was to endure my youth, and how many hours and days I spent self-medicating with food and books, and turning off all my emotions so that none of them would hurt me (it didn't work)?

I honestly do not know which trick combo of luck and genetics and goodness and magic made me able to find my joy as an adult, but I'm feeling really grateful for it right now, and grateful for friends who value my joy as much as I do. If I could bottle it and share it with all of you, I would, in a heartbeat.

Comments

[baerana.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you are so happy, you deserve it all. You are an inspration to all of us out there self-medication w/ food, books, etc. :)

[rmjwell.livejournal.com]

I honestly do not know which trick combo of luck and genetics and goodness and magic made me able to find my joy as an adult, but I'm feeling really grateful for it right now, and grateful for friends who value my joy as much as I do. If I could bottle it and share it with all of you, I would, in a heartbeat.

Well said.

I know what you mean. My adult life has been much different from my childhood and the amount of joy I find each day is amazing.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, I get such a sweet and cheerful vibe from you, even when you're feeling down. Thanks for all your support of me lately. It's really appreciated.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

I can relate to a lot of this, but what struck me was: No fewer than three customers have told me that I was the first person in Ikea who had been pleasant to them.

I think that's both sad and horrifying.

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I'm really glad you posted this. It made me realize that I'd always assumed that this came easily to you. Now I suspect that quite a bit of it is your own work. Which makes it even more admirable. And, perhaps, possible to emulate.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I've obviously been giving this a lot of thought since our earlier discussion, and I think that it's a combination of a naturally fair disposition (which I think saved me from a truly difficult childhood) and some really good choices, which I definitely take credit for. As a yardstick, see my life with cute-poet-chick -- four years of being as happy as I could manage, which was occasionally very happy and as often happy as un-, but it exhausted the fuck out of me, and I'm not gonna do that again.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to think about this. I think it makes me a better person to understand myself better.

[lcohen]

*smooches* and you know i get this one from the heart.