Certain balances are hard to find

[serene]

[posted to my journal and to no_pity]

In theory, I'm all about finding balance in my life (cf. my decision to work at a good part-time job I love, rather than taking "better" offers for full-time work). But then the balance shifts.

Every bad pain day I have makes my available energy and time and mental oomph a moving target. Having three in a row, as I have this weekend, makes me start feeling discouraged and wondering if it'll ever end. But then I'll have a really good week, and I'll feel bullet-proof, and like I could do anything, and I'll start a magazine or something so that all my time is spoken for, well into the future.

The thing to discover is this: How much can I commit to doing in advance, and not risk the crash of having to drop it all if the pain flares up, or if the hormone pills make my legs feel like big slabs of tender meat?

I won't lie and say I'm not discouraged right this moment, but most of the time, I feel pretty good about my choices around this stuff. Most of the time, I let people know that my time and energy are more variable than they used to be, and I have people in my life who get it, and who don't expect me to do more than I can do. But there's so much I *want* to do, and it's hard for me to remember, on a good day, when nothing hurts, that next week, *everything* might hurt, and I might need to spend the whole weekend popping aspirin and sitting in the recliner.

For those of you who deal with varying levels of energy/pain/wellness, what do you do to keep that stuff on a relatively even keel?

Comments

[firecat]

It's all a moving target, but what I mostly do right now is commit to the minimum I can do, and then pencil in a few more things that I would like to do if it turns out I have the energy.

I also keep adjusting my relationship to "*want*". I try to set up my life so that even if I don't get to do a particular thing that I want to do, there are other things I can do instead that are enjoyable/engaging. Then I have less of the unhappy feeling of "I want this and can't have it so I suck" and more of a feeling of "I wanted this but it's not happening because my life is uncertain like that, and look that means I can do this other, less challenging but still cool thing instead."

[serene]

I also keep adjusting my relationship to "*want*".

That's really really helpful. Thank you!

[ailbhe]

I seem to mainly handle it by burning out, reeling in, sitting down until my energy burns a hole in my shoes, jumping up...

I'm getting better at reeling in. I'm trying to learn to "use my hip for dancing," as baratron site="livejournal.com"> once said Rivka's doctor said. You're already good at not doing things which cost you more than they gain you.

Serene: Soon Running At An Energetic Net Profit.

It needs a catchier acronym.

[serene]

I seem to mainly handle it by burning out, reeling in, sitting down until my energy burns a hole in my shoes, jumping up...

Yeah, that's what I'm kinda hoping to avoid. :-)

You're already good at not doing things which cost you more than they gain you.

Sometimes yes. Also really good at jumping into Huge Projects(tm) that consume more time and energy than I have.

Serene: Soon Running At An Energetic Net Profit.

Hee! :-)