where have you gone, my body?

[serene]

[I posted this to a Usenet group about fat acceptance and thought it would also belong here, so here it is.]

So I don't diet (duh). I don't do weight-loss efforts, because they make no sense to me. Regardless of that, I've lost a considerable amount of weight in the past two years, without intending to. And here is my list of things that suck about that:

1. My clothes don't fit.
2. Money has been tight, so "just get new clothes" is not a viable solution.
3. Getting used to my new body is weird. It's still my body, but it feels weird, and I'm not sure I like having to reacquaint myself when we've been such good friends all these years.
4. My *clothes* don't *fit* -- I haven't had that problem in years (I was the same fat self all my adult life).
5. (This one I'm not proud of.) Nowadays, armed chairs and theater seats and the like aren't issues that affect me directly, so I'm less aware of them in general.
6. I get cold too easily for my taste.
7. Likewise uncomfy. That padding was there for a reason, and I liked it.
8. People assume I'm doing something virtuous/right/healthy because I'm thinner now, and they give me praise that irritates the shit out of me, and makes me spend my precious moments telling them that I'm less healthy now than I ever was when I was fat, and then having them disbelieve me, which pisses me off yet again.
9. There's probably a nine. There's always a nine.

But my clothes don't fit! Waaaah!
End of whine.

Comments

[nolly.livejournal.com]

To address symptoms, if you have time to swing by Great Curves while you're down here, you may be able to pick up some things that do fit pretty cheaply. (They're on Lytton, near MCRD, off Rosecrans, but you have to turn on Midway, and then R just past the post office; you can't easily make the turn into the parking lot from Lytton.)

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I really have zero money after allowing for the trip to San Diego, but I'll keep it in mind for the future.

[nolly.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* SInce it's a consignment store, a lot of the prices are quite low, and it's all plus sizes. (Should someone decide to treat you to a new wardrobe or something, it's a real dollar stretcher. And it's 4-5 rooms, too -- LOTS of clothes.)

[okoshun.livejournal.com]

I might have to have you draw me a map when I get there. :)

[nolly.livejournal.com]

Y'all are getting into town relatively early, right? If you like, I'll ride along and point the way. Let me know when's good; I'm pretty much free from 2:30is Thursday onward.

[okoshun.livejournal.com]

We get in at 11amish and I'll be making some shopping trips (Costco, grocery store) shortly thereafter. Sometime afer 2:30 works for me. :)

[nolly.livejournal.com]

Contact info/etc. in email!

[okoshun.livejournal.com]

Wooh! Got it. :)

[lcohen]

if i'm around, me too?

[nolly.livejournal.com]

Fine by me; make contact with okoshun on site, since she's the driver. (My truck only seats two comfortably, unless they're small and it's clean.) Current plan is 3ish Thursday afternoon, exact time to depend on trolley schedules, since I can't pay $18/day for parking right now.

[lcohen]

i'm rooming with her but it sounds like y'all are going just a little earlier than i can make it--i think my plane lands at 2:30. oh well--maybe she will like it well enough to make another run at some point....

[nolly.livejournal.com]

We can probably wait, though I can't speak for everyone else involved. We'll play it by ear. :)

[kalmn.livejournal.com]

i <3 you.

right now my ass is a perfect size 25. my old size 24 jeans are tight, my new size 26 jeans are too loose.

if you ask nicely i'll bring the size 26 jeans and the satin underwear and demonstrate how i can take them off without unbuttoning them. ;)

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Never in my life has it felt so very important for me to know exactly how to ask nicely.

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

Come to the clothing swap. (http://www.livejournal.com/users/deedeebythebay/819820.html) Drop off what you don't want, pick up some fabulous new outfits. I got some great stuff last time.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I will be in San Diego at alt.polycon, but yes, clothing swaps have been great for me in the past. I did them seasonally at my old place. And I'll be seeing my mom this week, and she's usually a source for an outfit or two. She's the yard-sale queen.

[zpdiduda.livejournal.com]

If you send me your sizes and an idea of what you'd be looking for if you were there live and in person, I can put aside some stuff for you at the clothing swap. I'm at zzzpdiduda@yahoo.com.

Freecycle!

[catdeville.livejournal.com]

It works both ways! I have given away a bunch of stuff because I've been trying to "de-clutter" since I got sick last winter, and I'm still working through stuff, but I also know that a lot of people give away (or ask for clothes) on that list. I gave away a bunch just because I bought new clothes and I had a bunch of old stuff I never wore anymore. One lady sent me a marvelous thank you note and was just thrilled that the stuff was nice and that I had taken the time to mend and wash things before giving them away. I was very happy to see that she and her daughter took what they could wear, then posted the remainder *back* onto freecycle for someone else to take. It really does work!

That said, depending on what size you are now, I may have things still left in my closet that I should get rid of but haven't that you could wear. Again, if ya'll can stop by after the con, then we can go through my closets and see if there's anything that fits that you like that I'd be giving up anyway ;-)

And I understand about the praise, but why do you feel like you're less healthy now? Reading your journal it sounds like you're probably loosing some weight simply because a) you're eating more nutritionally than you may have been in the past and b) you sound like your jobs have you being more active. Both of those things usually improve overall health, regardless of weight, and weight loss is just incidental to them. But I'm curious why you feel that you're less healthy.

hugs!
Cat

[slinkr.livejournal.com]

*nod*

I've been watching my wife go through a lot of this over the past year (even though she did intend to lose weight) and I didn't realize how tough it was going to be.

[leback.livejournal.com]

This list rocks. Thanks for sharing it.

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

I'm worried about the "less healthy now" part. If you want to talk, I want to listen.

I go up and down by about 10 pounds, which doesn't sound like much, but it makes people notice, and that is always awkward, because I don't do it on purpose or for praise. In my case, weight loss comes either when I've been very upset for a few weeks, or when I get unrealistically strict (which is unhealthy for me mentally, and seeps onto everything else I do) about not eating the things that make me tired. I have clothes in a few different sizes, but I don't always have stuff for the right season.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Losing weight without intending to, especially when combined with your comment about being less healthy, makes me nervous. You ok?

[sapphicprincess.livejournal.com]

I always read your posts but this is my first comment. I completely relate. I have a long history of food issues and weight fluctuation, and I've gone from a size 20 to a size 14 in the past two years, with no real effort. I'm not bingeing anymore, so I guess that's good. (There's also some recent post-breakup appetite loss, which is not good.)

Anyway, I feel too a little guilty because I "pass" for not fat. I still can't shop at trendy stores like Ab&Fitch, but, as my ex (size 26) told me, there's a difference between shopping at Lane Bryant because I want to, and shopping there because I have to. I'm still an ally, though. I like plus-sized women not only for their lush, curvy bodies, but because I relate to being fat. I grew up fat, I was the school outcast because I was fat, I nearly starved myself to death as a young woman because I didn't like being fat. (Those days are gone, thank my lack of god.)

This reply went on longer than I planned, haha. I hear you on clothes not fitting! Fortunately I was just hired at a Gap outlet. I cannot wait to get my first paycheck so I can buy pants that fit!

[nolly.livejournal.com]

May I tangent here, for a moment?

At Lane Bryant, I'm a 14. The only reason to try anything on is to see if the cut flatters me, or to see if a 14/16 is closer to 14 or to 16.

The last time I tried anything at The Gap, though, a 16 was loose, but a 14 was uncomfortably tight. I'm sure my mileage would vary at other stores; Gap is one place I know I can find jeans in a wearable length, so it's a place I tend to try. My experience with thrift and consignment stores backs it up -- some 14s fit, some don't. There are 16s in my closet that are too tight, still, and 14s I can remove without unbuttoning.

If sizes were standard across lines, I could shop a lot more places. Since they aren't, I still shop at LB because I know it'll fit.

[sapphicprincess.livejournal.com]

*nodsnods* I've noticed that also. Sometimes the size I need varies within the same store, depending on style. LB's jeans and bras fit me well; their 14/16 tops usually hang off of me (and I'm fairly busty by most standards). I usually buy jeans at Old Navy, though, because my cheapskate tendencies win out over quality every time. It's frustrating, not being able to buy off the rack. ^^;;

[berkeleyfarm.livejournal.com]

Oh, sizes among manufacturers are so totally non-standard it makes me want to spit. Fortunately I have found Reliable Mailorder Sources for both trousers and jackets that fit properly.

Sympathies for serene-babe. I hate shopping for clothes.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I can so relate to the post-breakup appetite loss. In the first six months after cute-poet-chick dumped me, I lost about 80 pounds.

Checked your bio: femme lesbian vegan liberal extremist -- May I swoon now?

[sapphicprincess.livejournal.com]

Swoon away! ^_^

[nitoda]

My clothes didn't fit this summer either ... while money hasn't been a problem and there are plenty of thrift stores where I can buy stuff, it's a PITA. At least when they are too big though there is some possibility of altering them to fit ... mine are not fitting because I have gained weight and there's no way they will fit. I also have the dilemma of whether to keep them against maybe losing the weight again or just giving them away immediately to a thrift store. The decision there mainly hinges on how attached I was to each individual item and how precious it was ...

[pure-agnostic.livejournal.com]

9. There's probably a nine. There's always a nine.

Unwanted attention. When a woman friend of mine (actually, she was the best "man" at my wedding) lost weight unexpectedly, she got propositioned for casual sex very often. The attention made her very uncomfortable.