(no subject)

[serene]

From the altfriday5:



1. Which members of your family of origin do you consider to be truly "family" (e.g., your second cousins once-removed probably don't feel like "family")?

Everyone except for one sibling.

2. Who are the members of your chosen family?

My partners. Friends to whom I'm not related, but for whom I feel the kind of love and/or affection and/or commitment/obligation(voluntary) that makes them feel like family to me. Note: This is borderline nonconsensual, as I don't seek their permission to think of them as family -- my brain seems to put them in that slot based on some complicated set of things. This list of people includes, but is in no way limited to, people like lcohen, firecat, loracs, dbubley, wild_irises, dryadgrl, clever_doberman, klwalton, golden_c_turtle... They're the people I hope would call me if they needed me, and for whom I would drop what I'm doing and go to them if they did.

3. Which of the people in Questions 1 & 2 would you consider "close" family?

My mom. The munchkins (two specific children-of-my-siblings -- there are thirteen total, but I'm only close to two of them). Some but not all of the friends.

4. What is your personal definition of "family"? In other words, what makes one person feel like "family" to you, and another not?

That's hard for me to pin down. Partly it's what I said at the end of 2 above, about being willing to go out of my way in a significant way for someone. Partly it's a completely emotional thing. Partly it's trust that the person cares about me and my wellbeing. For some of the people on the list, it's also true that I think they think of me as family, but that's clearly not essential to my feeling of someone's being family, so I'm not sure how to put that part in words.

5. What do you feel you can reasonably expect of someone you consider family? What can they expect of you?

I don't think my feeling of someone's being family or not creates an expectation, unless the person and I have had conversation to that effect. To pick one example, wild_irises and I, early in our friendship, expressed to each other that we were chosen family to each other. I think we have similar expectations of each other: caring, listening, being happy to spend time with each other, giving each other space, etc. However, I think that's stuff that doesn't have to be limited to family. It's a friend thing.

I'm not exactly unmuddying these waters, am I?

The Questioner says: Don't forget your links!

Comments

[kightp.livejournal.com]

I started to do this one and promptly discovered that I don't have a current working definition of "family" that applies to me.

Huh. I think I need to ponder that for a while.