Serene of the Oakland Serenes

Oh, I think people definitely use it to good effect for friend-finding, and I was hoping for that, but the romantic slant (and, to be honest, the woos and other messages from men (never women) looking for love) were making it hard for me not to slip into romance mode, when that's really not where I'm at right now.

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So would it be naughty of me to mention that most of the time on there I am indeed looking for love at least as much as friendship? :-)

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Only naughty in that nice way that we like. I think it's the best dating site I've seen. I'm just not looking to date anyone. I admit that when my hormones went nuts for a couple of weeks, I entertained seeking someone new, but then I came to my senses (and my hormones calmed down) and I realized that I am really happy (and sexually satisfied) with my current setup. If a relationship comes along, I'm open to it, but I don't want to spend a lot of time and energy seeking it, when I have lovely warm bodies in my bed already.

Y'know?

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Glad things're working that way, it's always nice to realise that things're good the way they are. Bed's still awkward here, sadly - but it seems most sensible to seek friendships that may become relationships.

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*nodnod* And I do think that putting oneself out there in any group where one is out as [queer|poly|whatever] ups one's chances of finding romance even if one isn't looking for it.

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I like LJ better -- there's an assumption of conversation
and friendship (hey, a utility for the stupidly named "friends" list!);

Which reminds me that I want to change my live journal so my "friends" list reads "journals that stonebender reads". Like yours does. I can't figure out how to do it. Could I get some help from some hot geeky girlfriend?

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From my userinfo page, I go "Manage ==> Customize ==> Basics" and there's a box for changing the text. Tell me if that works.

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No I don't mean I want to change the title of my friends page.

Along the top of your livejournal you have: Recent Entries, Journals Serene Reads, calendar, user info, serenepages.org. I have: entries, friends, calendar, user info, webpage. I want to change my "friends" to "Journals Stonebender Reads". Does that make sense? I can't find where I can change that.

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Manage ==> Customize ==> Custom Options ==> Text

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Clearly my reading comprehension is going downhill. :-) Thank you my sweet, sweet Buttercup!

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No problem, sweet love. I'm glad my lightning-fast browsing trial-and-error can be of help to you. :-)

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And that isn't even your best feature. :-)

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*preen*

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Makes sense to me, it's one of the reason I tend to say hi to someone and then get conversation away from the site as soon as possible. I also don't like the occasional feeling that I need to rewrite my profile to advertise myself better...

On the bright side, at least we're now talking on MSN and that's OKCupid's fault. Will get round to taking that pic in a few days :-)

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:-) Yep. You're the only person I've ended up talking to outside of OKCupid. (I'm happy we got that opportunity.) There was one guy who is on our local poly listserv, and he came to our house one day, and I've never heard from him again, either on OKCupid or off. It's weird -- if he were thinking "friendship" I think he wouldn't have completely disappeared when it became clear (I assume) that we weren't interested in each other romantically. (I recognize I'm assuming a lot. I haven't asked him why he didn't come back, because I don't really want him to feel invited to recontact me.)

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That sort of thing I suspect's going to be a useful filter for me - it's comparatively rare that I'm interested immediately, and I'm perhaps always a little bit concerned when I am because it tends not to work out. That, or turn into a long and subtly frustrating yet rewarding friendship, inevitably becaues it's not mutual (or they're attached, or...).

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pir-anha.livejournal.com

makes complete sense to me -- it's certainly the reason why i took a look at the site and decided i wasn't interested. i know it's allegedly allowing for friend-finding without romantic/sexual match-ups, but that seems to be not what the site is actually about.

and i am not "looking". i am not even looking for friends. i am open to the possibility, which is a distinctly different feeling. i've never ever yet found a friend or partner when i was looking; it's as if the approach changes the water sufficiently for no life to spring from it.

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it's as if the approach changes the water sufficiently for no life to spring from it.

That's so beautiful.

And yes, exactly as you say.

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tutordennis.livejournal.com

On the one hand, I don't particularly like the way OK Cupid seems to taint all communication. An exchange that would be free of tension in LJ comes with too much baggage on OKC. The one person I've met through OK Cupid is someone I really could be friends with, but I haven't contacted her since, other than reading her LJ. I start second-guessing myself when I think of calling her. Are we looking for different things? Will I give the false impression that I'm not happy with my sweetie if I call? Blah.

On the other hand, the only communication you and I have had has been through OKC, so it's rather disappointing to see you go.

Also, I think you've neglected to mention the most important factor in your decision. You ran out of questions to answer, which took all of the joy out of the site for you!

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[Warning: probably a longer answer than you were looking for. :-)]

You are SO right about the questions. :-) (Though I've been helping them approve new questions, since I've answered them all, and that gives me a few new questions a day to answer.)

And actually, I've been enjoying reading your livejournal. Now that you mention it, I like talking with you here rather than there, because, umm, let's see...

Hope you don't mind my telling the LJ world that you're my highest local "match" on OKCupid. That's kind of a lot of pressure. :-) I looked at it as friend possibilities (without ruling out more-than-friend possibilities, because I don't tend to rule that out unless someone does or says something to make me want to do so), but talking to you here is assumption-of-friendship territory, and there, I would find myself wondering about the whole dating thing.

Plus, I realized that the people I was finding interesting on OKCupid (including you, of course) all had LJs. :-) Not saying that I wouldn't have potentially met someone really keen and LJ-less, but it wasn't worth spending most of my day feeling like I was on the prowl or something.

I'm not articulating this very well. Oh, well.

But my email address is serene@serenepages.org, and you should feel free to email any time (or come to our place after I return from Tokyo -- we have an open-door policy for dinner, and dinner's usually at 7). :-)

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nooks.livejournal.com

Yeah, I feel kind of the same way about Orkut—you've done a pretty good job of putting some words to the weird feeling I get while I use it.

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