(no subject)

[serene]

Tuesday was the stress EKG. Going in, it started off badly. My blood pressure was really high for me (my usual is below 120/80 -- 114/72 is a normal reading for me); it was something like 148/96 or something. I was a little worried, but more frustrated than anything, because they spent the whole time talking about my hypertension, when I've never HAD hypertension. But the ultrasound tech said she saw hypertension damage in my heart, and while my BP was back down to 110/70 before I left, I can't completely ignore the fact that it spiked really high and they saw something on the ultrasound. And to top it off, I went in there for something completely unrelated: palpitations, which as far as I could tell did NOT present themselves for the EKG. *sigh*. So the nurse tells me "You're going to have a heart attack before you're 50 if you don't take care of this hypertension" and I didn't tell her to fuck herself; aren't I good?

Today was the foot doctor. I got to see on the x-ray where my achilles tendon is super-tight and flanked by calcium deposits, so it makes sense that my heel has been hurting lots when I walk for the last month or two. The doc was great. He told me that my congenital leg deformity (corrected pretty well with childhood surgery) was the underlying cause of my heel issues (along with a possible contributing cause being my weight, but he didn't make a deal out of it). He showed me on the x-ray where my deformed foot bones go off in the wrong directions. It was geeky fun to see that. He gave me referrals for some shops that will hook me up with better walking shoes (the Birks are also contributing to the problem), some heel lifts for the new shoes, and a really cute PT to show me the exercises I have to do. Well, okay, he didn't actually give me the PT -- I didn't get to keep him or anything. The doc says he'll be surprised if it's not 100% better in a week or two, and it's nothing major to worry about. Yay.

Next week will be the real challenging one. Tuesday is a double-feature: ophthalmologist, and another needle biopsy of my thyroid tumor. Thursday is the insertion of the Mirena IUD. Invasive, invasive, invasive is how I feel about such procedures, so I expect to spend the rest of Thursday in the fetal position.




I am such a stress puppy lately. I am no fun to be around, I'm sure, and I don't really know what I'm going to do about it. Well, yeah, I guess I do. I'm going to continue going to doctors until I'm done with that. I'm going to keep seeking more contract work so I can *pay* for all these doctor visits. And I'm going to continue working on ways to make the "day job" less stressful: better boundaries around time; software to streamline processes; time off for walks; being conscious about not taking on the stress that the boss projects. I asked him yesterday, "Does worker's comp cover me if I blow an aorta from the stress of this job?", but I was laughing so hard at the time that I don't think he took me seriously. ;-)

I am so grateful for my partners, and my mother, and loracs. Without their support, and their willingness to listen to me vent/whine, and their complete acceptance of me even when I'm cranky and tired and sad, I just simply do not know what I would do.





[Note: I really don't do "most"/"best"/etc. In the cases where I answer those kinds of questions, I really mean "one of the best" or something similar.]

551. What is the most magical thing that has ever happened to you?

Using a pretty broad definition of "magical", I would say the week between not throwing out the email and pretending not to freak out. (It's obscure, but it's the best I'm willing to do right now.)

552. How would you tell your friend his or her fly was open in public?

Quietly and directly.

553. Does a good friend tell you you've got something in your teeth or pretend not to notice it?

Good friends, I'm sure, will vary on their handling of this circumstance. I prefer to be told, but I understand that can be hard for people, even good friends.

554. The world has many secrets. Have you learned any? Will you share it?

I don't even know who's on the latest reality show. I am usually near the last to know anything the world has to say.

555. Are there any bands you like so much that you want to get their music video collection on DVD?

Oh, sure. Indigo Girls, They Might Be Giants, Ani DiFranco, plenty of others.

556. What do you need advice about?

Financial planning.

557. Have you been half-asleep and have you heard voices?

Oh, yes! It's freaky when that happens. I usually hear someone calling me or knocking on the door.

558. Do you have a good luck charm?

Nope. I don't believe in good luck charms.

559. Should animals have the same right to life as people?

That's a hard question for me to answer. I am on the fence on it, as I am on lots of ethical questions.

560. What is your least favorite body part?

Of mine, or in general? Hell, I don't know. I have frequently said that if I had to have one cosmetic surgical procedure done, I would have my feet fixed so that they were a normal woman's size, so I can release my inner shoe slut. But I don't really care, so um, whatever. :-)

561. Do you enjoy British comedy?

Lots of it, yes. As Time Goes By, The Hitchhiker's Guide, Fawlty Towers, AbFab, and several others.

562. Are there ever happy endings or does nothing end?

Yes.

563. What is your worst trait?

I don't know for sure, but I'm sure that interrupting people is up there. Another bad one is not being able to keep a secret. Then there's my lack of conversational edit button.

564. Is the world more beautiful because of love?

Abso-fucking-lutely. I daresay there's no point to the world for me without it.

565. What is the essence of you?

I was just listening to Richard Dawkins talk about how the atoms in me right now weren't (he said any of them, but someotherguy says it's only most) even there for the stuff I remember as a kid, so considering that and all else I know about existence and philosophy, I'm gonna have to pull a total I Have No Earthly Idea here.

566. What really inspires you?

People who do something important and good, even though it costs them something.

567. Have you met your soul mate?

For all intents and purposes (and keeping in mind that I don't have a soul), yes. :-)

568. Is every day a special occasion?

No, or the words "special occasion" are rendered meaningless.

569. What sound would you rather hear than any sound in the world?

Small children laughing.

570. Of the following which word best describes you:

natural:
outgoing:
polite:
quick thinking:

Hmm. Natural, I guess.

571. Do any commercials make you want to break your TV?

No, but I really hate the Stella Artois ads.

572. Have you ever lost your religion?

Oh, yeah.

573. Do you want to share your life with someone?

Several someones.

574. Where ARE the wild things?

San Diego. They're not always wild, though. They have their mellow moments.

575. Would you rather have a child genetically related to you or an adopted child?

Each has its appeal. Ethically, I would probably choose to adopt.

576. If I had a birthday party would you come?

I don't even know the author of this survey, so no.

577. What seemingly impossible thing is POSSIBLE?

That my desk and chair and floor, even the ground beneath me, are made up of mostly open space.

578. What song do you love to sing out loud?

"Everything", Barbra Streisand

579. Have you ever run through the woods naked and played in a stream (you should)?

Yep.

580. Have you ever taken long solitary night walks?

No. I'm afraid of being alone at night.

581. Is there more to you than anyone knows?

Yes. Isn't there to most everyone?

582. Can you make tonight the night that you do the things you always wanted to do?

*laugh* Of all the questions in this survey, this one strikes me as the most teenagey. I'm not sure why.

Anyway, yes and no. Tonight, I can treat myself kindly, spend time with my lover, be happy in my home -- all things I've always wanted to do. Other things I want to do will have to wait until at least morning.

583. Would you rather watch life on TV or LIVE it?

Everyone has to live it, even if they're living it while watching TV.

584. What keeps you chained down?

Nothing. Save perhaps gravity.

585. What is the nagging feeling in the back of your head?

That I'm not brave enough to do what I want.

586. Do you celebrate yourself?

Y'know, I really do.

587. Does everyone get the same opportunities in life?

No, no, no, and anyone who says they do is completely and utterly deluded or a bald-faced liar.

588. What would you consider to be better than sex?

Love. Respect. Sex with someone I love and respect. ;-)

589. What evil is necessary?

This is something I think about a lot. I haven't come up with an answer yet.

590. What's your favorite one-hit wonder?

"Ariel", by Dean Freidman

591. What would you do anything for?

I can't think of anything.

592. Do you celebrate the full moon?

Internally, I do.

593. Have you ever gone in the water at the beach at night?

Yes.

594. Are you ordinary?

In many ways, I am. In other ways, though, I think I'm exceptional.

595. What makes people want to hang out with you?

Hmm. I think I let people know when I like them, and they believe me.

596. Have you ever felt like you've been a little bit too good to someone?

I don't think there's any such thing.

597. What book did you like that you had to read for school?

Oh, lots! A Separate Peace, Go Ask Alice, The Color Purple, In The Palm of Your Hand, The Diary of Anne Frank, One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, Cat's Cradle, Sudden Fiction (and Sudden Fiction International), Fahrenheit 451, 1984...

598. What book should everyone have to read in school?

Eh. Most of the above should be on a highly-recommended list, but there's such a diversity of wonderful literature out there that there isn't one I would say should be mandatory.

599. Do you like the store Old Navy?

I've never been in an Old Navy store.

600. What movie sequels do you like?

Spider-man, The Godfather

Comments

[eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com]

*hug* on all the doctor-al crap you are going through. my thoughts for a Health Serene are going out big time. tell me if you need something i can provide.

and though not totally gifted, the borrowing of a cute PT isn't bad...

[mackenzie]

*hugs*

[firecat]

[hugs] Doctor visits, especially when they give you confusing information, are incredibly stressful.

Wikipedia has some very interesting information on just what can and can't be predicted from stress tests.

[sebab.livejournal.com]

*hug*

too much medical crap :(

and a single 148/whatever is not a problem, only something to keep an eye on. The "stress puppy probably has far more to do with that kind of reading.

[windsea.livejournal.com]

*hugs*. I'm sorry you're having to go through all this crap.

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I feel for you, hon. I *hate* doctors, and I feel like I've had a neverending cycle of them for the last 3 years.

Hang in there.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

I would love a chance to be around you, mood irrelevant. Want to come sit with me some while I pack my kitchen for remodeling? Otherwise, firecat and I are planning to come to the next craft night.

[baerana.livejournal.com]

1) what kind of contract work is it you do? Do you have a resume posted somewhere?

2) how'd you get them to give you a Mirena IUD? OBGYNs seem to be adamant about only giving them to women in monogamous relationships who have had at least one child.

good luck w/ the upcoming DR visits and everything else!

[pyrzqxgl.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the one medical ordeal after another -- I hope you see a lot of good results from all the hard work you're putting in here.

[tiger-spot.livejournal.com]

Eek, doctors.

::hugs::

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

*as many hugs as you like*

I'm glad that the foot doctor was so cool. That's awesome! I hope your doctor experiences wind up being long-run good.

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

*hug* medical crap can really suck

[cassidyrose.livejournal.com]

Sorry about all the crappy health stuff.

As far as the BP reading...

As sebab said one high reading isn't all that indicative of anything, but as you said, the damage they noted is of course worrisome. A question for you: are you on hormonal birth control and if so, have you had your BP checked regularly while on it? HBC can really fuck up otherwise normal blood pressure. I always had low BP but while on the pill it tended to border on the higher end of normal and sometimes high normal/boderline (130/80). However, as soon as I went off it I was back to my standard 110/60 readings. That may not seem like much, but perhaps it fucked with you more.

Also, dumb question, but did they use a large enough BP cuff on you? A cuff that is too small can result in wacky readings, including false highs.

I hope you can get all this resolved soon.