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On friends
Sep. 3rd, 2008 07:33 pmI love my friends. I don't mean in the air-kiss-let's-do-lunch way. I mean in the deep way. I don't get close to many people; it's just not my way. But deep is not the same as close, and if you're my friend, then you're my friend, and you wouldn't be in my life if I weren't happy to have you there.
That said, I just posted this as a comment else-LJ, and I don't know that I've ever articulated it here, so I thought I'd throw it out for discussion:
I have lost (or misplaced, or actively set down) some friends over the years (kinda like the end paren on that blockquote), especially in the last couple of years, because I started to realize that that social energy drain? That's really only worth it for people I love, or feel like I might grow to love, or like the company of enough that it's worth it regardless. Nowadays, no one that I know of is my friend only for what I can give them, and that feels good. No one is my friend who makes me wish I hadn't spent time with them. And, now that I think of it, no one is my friend to whom I would be uncomfortable saying "I love you".
So, my friends (and LJ makes that term a little dicey to use here, but there it is), I love you. Thank you for being my friends. My life is richer because of you.
I especially want to thank those of you who are sitting there NOT saying "Harumph. Serene just said she doesn't like spending time with me" and understood that I was talking about my internal default state, not anything about you, because, hey, I love you. :-)
That said, I just posted this as a comment else-LJ, and I don't know that I've ever articulated it here, so I thought I'd throw it out for discussion:
I started to say "I like spending time with my friends", but to be perfectly honest, that's usually not true. What's true is that I like having spent time with my friends. That is, I like the history we end up sharing and the connections we end up making, but almost without exception, social interaction is not actively pleasant for me while it's happening. (Not never, just nearly never. And it's a Biiiiiiig continuum from "this isn't actively pleasant, but I'm happy I'm doing it and will be glad later that I did" to "this really bites". I don't do the latter very often any more these days.
I have lost (or misplaced, or actively set down) some friends over the years (kinda like the end paren on that blockquote), especially in the last couple of years, because I started to realize that that social energy drain? That's really only worth it for people I love, or feel like I might grow to love, or like the company of enough that it's worth it regardless. Nowadays, no one that I know of is my friend only for what I can give them, and that feels good. No one is my friend who makes me wish I hadn't spent time with them. And, now that I think of it, no one is my friend to whom I would be uncomfortable saying "I love you".
So, my friends (and LJ makes that term a little dicey to use here, but there it is), I love you. Thank you for being my friends. My life is richer because of you.
I especially want to thank those of you who are sitting there NOT saying "Harumph. Serene just said she doesn't like spending time with me" and understood that I was talking about my internal default state, not anything about you, because, hey, I love you. :-)
