(no subject)

[serene]

Men who explain things.

(I allow men to explain things to me that I already understand, far too often. They should stop it, and I should stop allowing it.)

[Edit: To those men who are explaining linux text editors to me, I didn't mean you. I *don't* understand this, and I appreciate the help. It's coincidence that I ran across this article at this time. :-)]

Comments

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I think that you're missing the element of default here. By default, most men assume most women won't understand difficult things.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

Unless the man explains them HIMSELF, clearly enough for the woman to understand. And, of course, at length.

[pure-agnostic.livejournal.com]

In this situation, why couldn't the man just ask, "Do you want me to explain this in depth? If you already understand this difficult topic, we can skip this subject for a more interesting conversation."

[algor-langeaux.livejournal.com]

I would guess that it wouldn't occur to them to even ask because they don't really care what the person they are "teaching" thinks.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Yes, why couldn't he? Do you have any ideas on why that might be?

[pure-agnostic.livejournal.com]

I don't think some people have the presence of mind to ask, or the ability to put themselves in another's viewpoint and ask themselves "Does this person really need/want to know?"

Also, see my above comment about how other people only exist for pontificators to bolster their egos by spewing words at them.

[redandfiery.livejournal.com]

other people only exist for pontificators to bolster their egos

Well, yes. But given this, I don't think it's a question of them not having the presence of mind to ask whether the explanation is wanted. They don't *care* whether it's wanted; *they* want to give it, to assert their "superiority", and in my experience will do so even if the person being lectured tells them that they know this stuff already.

And the blanket assumption that a woman will *not* know about whatever-it-is already is where this becomes a feminist issue, of course.

That's something I really *don't* miss about my ex-father-in-law.

[algor-langeaux.livejournal.com]

I do agree... and I do agree that that attitude is probably much more prevalent in men than women. I would suggest also that is likely just as much men being taught that they can get away with it, and women being taught that they can't.

The key is to not let them get away with it. I find a drink in the face will get that message across very quickly and unambiguously, regardless of gender.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

The key is to not let them get away with it.

Actually, I think the key is for them not to do it, but since I'm not them, not letting them get away with it is sometimes the best I can do.

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

Yes.

It's not my responsibility to teach these folks (who are overwhelmingly men in my experience) basic social skills and how to take turns and that Women Are People Too.

It's just not.

Unfortunately, that means my choices are: avoid such critters when I find them, call them on their shit, or sit there and suffer. I tend toward avoiding them when possible, and I've left partners over this issue. I am an adult. Conversations are two way streets. I am not going to stick around to be talked AT, patronised, or ignored.

I used to try calling them on it, and it doesn't work very well for me. I regret losing the opportunity for connection with these people, but I'm not willing to put up with this. It's a sad situation for all.

But... I'm not going to call them on it, spoonfeed them how to treat Women Like People, and praise them every time they get a fraction of it right and be endlessly reassuring. I want to spend my time and energy on my own life and my own work, which I've got a ton of. I spent the first years of my life doing other people's scutwork, I'm through with it.

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to call them on it, spoonfeed them how to treat Women Like People, and praise them every time they get a fraction of it right and be endlessly reassuring.

Amen! We have enough t-shirts.