serene | Bettycare update

[Background for those who don't know the background: my family member,

dbubley, is dying, and her partner

loracs is doing most of the hospice care, along with the help of me and some other amazing people.]

One good thing about being on the night shift in caring for our darling Betty is that I get mountains and mountains of the kind of quiet time that I really value, in the middle of the night, when everyone else is asleep, and I can just exist and do as I please. It happens that mostly what I've been doing with that time is playing games on

james_huber's iPad and reading DW/LJ/Facebook, but that's working just fine for me.

I had a moment of overwhelming sadness a little bit ago, and a bunch of worry that I won't do what Betty needs me to do, especially now that she's very spotty in her ability to communicate what she needs.

loracs comforted me. We're a good team. She does almost everything, and I do my best to pick up the slack. (That sounds like I'm being self-deprecating, but I really am a pretty decent soldier, and

loracs is a good general, so we make a kick-ass army when we get together.)

Heading home today to see if my other family remembers what I look like, and to get my meds and dishwashing gloves and a few other things I didn't think to bring with me. I'll come back here in the morning.

It's not easy, and it's often sad, but truly, these times are some of the ones when I feel my family most dearly. It's not glamorous. It's not sexy. But it's home.