(no subject)

[serene]

So lately I've been alluding to some health and food issues that I might want to talk about, but not here. Talking about food and health is hard to do when you're an unapologetic fat person who doesn't diet or participate in the diet mentality, and is still sensitive to those in her life who have eating disorders or other issues around food. Now, I've decided not to talk about this stuff in my food blog, because I'm tired of seeing veganism used as a euphemism for orthorexia, and I'm reluctant to talk about it here, because I am tired of seeing stuff that reminds me of diet talk on LJ, and I don't want to contribute to anything that even appears to be that kind of talk here.

So I dunno. Cut tags? Yet another LJ? A different blog? Dunno.

And then it dawns on me -- the reason this is twigging all my diet-mentality buzzers is because it IS a diet mentality thing. Every time I associate my health issues with what I'm eating, I AM getting into diet headspace (this is not necessarily true of anyone but me).

Thinking/talking about changing my eating habits is always a red flag for me. It means, for me, that I have left my good headspace, the one where food and health are a default state of abundance, and gone into the bad headspace where something I am eating feels wrong or bad or like it will harm my health.

And what it is now, what's scaring me into that headspace, is that I have a thyroid tumor that appears to be growing, and I have scared myself into wanting to zap it away by making sure nothing I put into my mouth is unhealthy. It doesn't work that way. Food isn't that powerful. What I eat on a day-to-day basis is good, healthful, nutritious, life-giving food, and I don't need to punish myself for having a medical condition by withholding anything from myself.

Nothing wrong with choosing the best, most healthful food I can find to feed myself with. Nothing wrong with making sure I move my body on a regular basis -- those are things I like doing anyway. But I feel so so grateful for the red flag I've installed in my brain that says "Hey, you're thinking about going on a diet, even if you're not calling it that, and what the hell is THAT about??"

Because that red flag points out my fear, and then I can deal with my fear and move on, and I am really really happy about that.

Comments

[pyrzqxgl.livejournal.com]

Huh, the word "orthorexia" was a new one to me, and when I saw the web-page doctor's name I was expecting to find a hot tattooed bald guy, oh well!

You're definitely an inspiring person who loves/creates/enjoys good healthy and luscious (or substitute word of choice) food, relationships, poetry, etc. etc. etc., and also always sensitive to other people's issues and needs. I think you have a lot to be dealing with here, which does include that your food needs or preferences may change (as they can for anyone as their lives change), but no way is this going to drive you off the deep end in terms of starting to post anything that looks like airheaded insensitive diet talk. So putting health-and-food-issues talk behind cut tags should take care of anyone who isn't in a space where they want to see it right now, and you can concentrate on taking care of *yourself*. Having a tumor has got to be scary for you and everyone else -- I hope you are finding good treatments and medical practitioners for it, and you always have lots of people here and elsewhere to listen to anything you would want to say about it.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you for always being on my side (and I don't mean that in any sycophantic, icky way). :-)