(no subject)

[serene]

One thing that makes a downer less down-ish is to do housework and play you some Nanci, if you're me. Also, if you're me tonight, your partners are off having their anniversary date, so you have a rare opportunity to play Nanci without headphones.



I'm nursing a melancholy bummer. Had a lovely date with stonebender last night -- dinner was wonderful, the movie was good (Quinceanera, you should see it) and then I started crying and have been doing that on and off since.

In the movie, a really nice old uncle takes in his troubled niece and nephew and makes their lives better, accepting them completely as they are.

I want to be that for my niblings, and I'm not. Life is not the movies. I don't have a home of my own and two mellow niblings. I have a mom who can afford to do what I can't, though that means my niblings remain with their parent, who just isn't good at the parenting thing.

Please don't tell me I've done all I can -- I haven't. But I've done all I'm willing to, and I get to live with the sadness and self-doubt that accompany that.

And sometimes I get to cry for days wishing I could find a way to do more without causing more harm than good. To them or to me.

Comments

[redbird]

It sounds as though you've done as much as ws good to do: as you say, for you and them.

[sagittaria.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

[tutordennis.livejournal.com]

I have many records that I only play when no one else is in the house--in fact I'm playing one now! (Ascension by Coltrane)

Just out of curiosity, which Nanci are we talking about?

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Griffith. A true goddess among women.

Anything with a twang of country is like fingernails on a chalkboard to the partners I live with (stonebender, on the other hand, loves Nanci as much as I), so I keep it headphoned most of the time.

[bafleyanne.livejournal.com]

I myself adore Nanci Griffith and have a similar problem with some of the people who live in my house. I've loaded up my iPod with some of her stuff, however. :)

If you like Nanci so much, might I suggest you try to find some of Nora O'Connor's stuff? I have her album Til the Dawn, which is available from Amazon, and I find her vocal style similarly pleasing. :)

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Ooh, thanks!

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

Awww. Sometimes crying is just needed.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

This is irrelevant, but might make you smile. I won't go into the complicated circumstances of this morning's dream, in which it seemed that you and alanbostick might be having a clandestine affair (the troublesome word here being "clandestine." In the dream, I asked myself, "How would I know if he was sleeping with Serene?" and the answer came back loud and clear: "Serene would tell me."

It's a dream. I absolutely trust Alan to tell me this sort of thing. Nonetheless, even in my dreams I apparently also trust you.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Neato! :-)

(I have a little internal giggle at the thought of the two of us doing anything even resembling clandestine.)

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

*sigh*

Sorry to hear it's hitting you this way right now.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. You're experiencing that damn guilt that many a parent faces: did I do enough? Did I do it right? (Then there's the Ever Popular "I wish I had it to do over again!" which I'm not sure is part of your House 'O Psyche Fun, but it sure is a part of mine.)

I know how you feel about the niblings. I don't think any parent could love them more.

But we do what we can and we do what we must and we do the very best we can given what we have and where we are and who we are. I'm so very glad they have you. I think they are, too.

*hug*hug*hug*

[loracs.livejournal.com]

I have big and very absorbent shoulders available, if ever you need such a thing.
*hugs*

[snippy]

Oh, I know how that feels. Mourn for the loss of what you wish could be, and who you wish you could be.

[laurenhat.livejournal.com]

Argh, that's difficult. Just because you've thought things through and made the best choices you can given all the factors doesn't mean it's easy to deal with... I'm sorry it's hard right now.

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

You might get that chance later, when you can do more. Witness my niece. I never thought I'd get the chance to do anything to support her. This is da bomb.

[surelars.livejournal.com]

Please don't tell me I've done all I can -- I haven't. But I've done all I'm willing to, and I get to live with the sadness and self-doubt that accompany that.

You rock, you know. I admire your honesty with yourself and your integrity. You're truly an inspiration.

This is not easy stuff, and it's good that you allow yourself to feel sad when you are. It one reason you shine so brightly, I think.

<Hugs>

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Thank you. *hugsback*