Serene of the Oakland Serenes

Scene: party Saturday night, which I only attended in trophy-wife capacity (cute-poet-chick's college friend's birthday)

Montessori Teacher who looks like Garry Shandling and says things like "We traveled through Egypt, and everyone does laundry by hand. Lots of people earn their living doing laundry for others. It's a social thing for women to do it. So if they had washing machines, it would hurt their economy."

Me, after about an hour of ignoring his idiocy and chuckling lightly at his stupid jokes: "So, you have three teenaged daughters? Wow."

Garry Shandling: "Yeah. I'm the only guy in a house full of girls. So I have to keep remembering to think down to their level."

Me: "Um, excuse me. *Down*?"

GS: "You know what I mean. Guys think on one level, and girls on another."

Me: "Oh. And it's *down* a level? *Down*?"

GS: *sputter* "You know what I mean."

Cute-poet-chick, sotto voce: "Doesn't he realize he's sitting at a table with a bunch of women who are bigger than he is?"

Me, to GS: "Hey, that's right. I could totally kick your ass."

Me, to cute-poet-chick: "Here, honey, hold my jacket."

Grrrrrr.

There's a "special" coffeepot at work. I mean, there are regular and decaf
pots, but there's a third one for the engineers. It's double (triple?)
strength, and usually there's a cute sign on it. Last week it was "Warning:
Spent Nuclear Waste -- may make you glow" -- you get the picture. Anyhow,
yesterday I came in and it was labeled "Osama Blend: Dark and Doomed" or some
such nonsense. Well, when no one was around, I replaced it with a sign that
said "Peaceful Solution Brew: You feel a little powerless, but no one gets
killed". Today, a new one has been added that begins "To the pacifist:" and
says I have no logical sense and am choosing capitulation. Many capital letters
and exclamation points were sacrificed in the making of this sign.

Thanks to a wonderful-smart-beautiful friend who was feeling more pithy than I today, the new sign will say:

"Hawkish Brew: Sure, it's strong, but it has a bitter aftertaste."

and I added

"(WAR [not-equals-sign] JUSTICE)"