happy about happiness about happiness?

A good half-dozen times this week, people on LJ or in person have complimented me on my happiness. People have told me they admire my capacity for joy. No fewer than three customers have told me that I was the first person in Ikea who had been pleasant to them. Someone I really admire told me that I seem to have a knack for happiness.

I wonder if people know what a compliment this is to me. I wonder if they can feel me weeping right now, remembering how really hard it was to endure my youth, and how many hours and days I spent self-medicating with food and books, and turning off all my emotions so that none of them would hurt me (it didn't work)?

I honestly do not know which trick combo of luck and genetics and goodness and magic made me able to find my joy as an adult, but I'm feeling really grateful for it right now, and grateful for friends who value my joy as much as I do. If I could bottle it and share it with all of you, I would, in a heartbeat.

(no subject)

Had a very very nice time swimming with dryadgrl and her little guy who's now a bigger guy than last time I saw him. I love swimming. I love dishing with friends. I love coming out the other side of a difficult patch in a friendship and feeling loved and accepted. I still froze up a little when someotherguy's name came up, but it was a reflex reaction, and lasted a fraction of a second. I am so happy to have people in my life who let me be exactly who I am, and who gently encourage me to be the best me I can. Here endeth the sappiness.

good thing/bad thing

good thing: got called in to UC Berkeley after a two-week dry spell

bad thing: it's cutting into my day with stonebender, which is
a drag

good thing: I am peppy (typo: pepper) and full of energy

bad thing: I got four hours of sleep, so that may not last

Tired of the good thing/bad thing now, but I'll just say that the UCB
thing has come at a good time money-wise, but a bad time in other
respects. That's just how life is sometimes. *sigh*

Oh, and I'm writing a lonnnnnnnng post about what I believe and don't
believe. It's captured my attention, thanks to vito_excalibur.

Also, if anyone wants to join last-minute-girl for lunch at noon, shoot me
an email and we'll take an hour and hang out (I work on campus, at the
corner of Telegraph and Bancroft in, obviously, Berkeley).

random thought

I've noticed that I've reverted to calling my husbands/boyfriends/whatever
"partner" when I talk to other people. I think calling them my husbands
(especially when I am speaking singularly) feels like embracing my het
privilege. (Whereas calling sogwife my wife doesn't feel that
way at all, of course, so that's still what I call her.) Language is a
funny thing, inextricable from nuance.

I'm doomed

I thought when my Palm
Pilot died, I was free. Clearly not.

I'm a little slow on the uptake

I've been mostly ignoring the tags thing. Can anyone tell me why I want
to use tags? Also, can anyone tell me if and how it's possible to go to a
user's (including one's own) LJ and see a list of their tags? If not,
what's the purpose of it? I'm unclear on the concept, and while I'm
heading over to read the FAQ on the subject, I'd also like to hear your
practical experience with the things.

(Also, if you know how to add tags in an email post, let me know, but I'll
probably see that in the FAQ too, I imagine.)

notes from my resting couch

I haven't moved in at least an hour. I'm exhausted, but I like staying up late, so I'm still up. No work as far as I know tomorrow.

T-shirt I saw today that I want: "I do my own stunts"

I was helping someotherguy clean out the cupboard the other day and ran across all my cassette tapes, which I then sorted through and culled. Now I'm listening to them in the order in which I put them in the box (which is to say in no order at all). First was Bonnie Raitt's "Road Tested," which turned out to be damaged and went in the trash. Then was "The Quintessential Billie Holliday" (Do nothing 'til you hear from meeeee...) And just finished Macy Gray's "On How Life Is," a gift from cute-poet-chick. I haven't played it much, and it turns out I like it.

That reminds me: a cow-irker gave me a CD of his band. I think I'll listen to that next.

My sister is thinking of sending Munchkin The Elder away to Outback School, whatever that is. I'm already opposed to it. We have a phone meeting tomorrow to talk about it.

Gonna make enchiladas tomorrow.

I have found that it is very difficult to express simultaneous anger and goodwill. I hope I succeeded at least a little today.

Because I was curious enough

...to see the_ogre's answers about me (I have passed on this meme when people I don't know in person have posted it), I did it in his LJ, so here it is in mine. I will answer the first five people, and then as many more as I have the energy for. I am modifying #s 3 and 8:

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie/book/fictional character reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of pudding or soft cheese ice cream to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. Or at least me.
5. I'll tell you my favorite memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal or plant you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written. and you feel like it, post it in your journal.

By the way, Eudora's mood indicator (which I keep on for laughs) flags the phrase "I've always wondered about you."